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Ask TherapistMarryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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DR., 63 YEAR OLD DIVORCED SINGLE MALE. MY ISSUE IS

Customer Question

DR., I AM A 63 YEAR OLD DIVORCED SINGLE MALE. MY ISSUE IS DEPRESSION AND GENERAL LONESOME FEELING EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A FULL TIME JOB, TWO MARRIED SONS, FOUR WONDERFUL GRAND CHILDREN, BUT SOMETHING IS MISSING IN MY LIFE. THE TIME OF YEAR ISN'T HELPING MUCH. I SEEM FROZEN IN A PRETTY DULL ROUTINE - GET UP, WORK, HOME, DRINK, EAT, AND BED. I KNOW I DRINK TOO MUCH. I HAVE BEEN ON ZOLOFT 100 MG FOR YEARS. IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN - I AM NOT A BAD LOOKING GUY ACCORDING TO PEOPLE - I JUST AM LONESOME. YOU SHOULD HAVE A TON OF ANSWERS AND QUESTIONS
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.

How long have you been feeling this way?

Do you feel your loneliness is about wanting a relationship? Have you dated?

What remedies have you tried so far besides the medications?

Thank you,
Kate

TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
SORRY, FOR SOME REASON IT WENT STREIGHT TO THE TIP PAGE. I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR HELP! I HAVE FELT THIS WAY FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS SINCE MY MOST RECENT DIVORCE, AND YES A LOT OF IT IS THAT I AM LONESOME , EVEN IN A CROWD. I DID SPEAK WITH AN THERPYST RIGHT AFTER MY DIVORCE BUT FOUND IT HARD TO LEVEL WITH HER.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

I understand. Many people say the system is sometimes hard to navigate.

Loneliness after a divorce is pretty common. You become used to always having someone there with you and even if it is not going well, you still are not alone. The loss of that person creates a gap in your life. You may appreciate that the problems are finally gone and you don't have to deal with them anymore, but that does not mean you are not feeling grief over your loss. Good or bad, you lost something. That will cause you to mourn.

Loneliness can happen even if you are surrounded by people. It has to do with the connections you feel to others. Marriage often allows for that deeper connection we all crave. Being close, sharing things most people do not know, and just the routine of having someone close by can make it easier to ignore our other connections.

There are different kinds of loneliness and it is unique to each person. Here are some ways you may feel lonely:

Feeling left out

Feeling that everyone is too busy to be with you

Feeling uncared for or unloved

Wanting a companion but not being able to find one

Not being able to connect to anyone on an emotional level

Try finding out exactly what type of loneliness you feel. That can help you resolve it by knowing how to address it.

Also, think about what you are looking for. What would your life be like if you did not feel lonely? Would you include close friends, more time with family, more social time or a new relationship?

Depending on what kind of loneliness you have, you can try the following:

Join a group- it can be a hobby group, YMCA, gym, sport or support group. This will give you something to look forward to and provide a group of people who have common interests and goals.

Fill your time up- think about the week ahead, what things can you plan to keep you busy and with others? Plan something for each day if you like that level of activity.

Go where others are lonely too- volunteer at a nursing home or hospital, serve in the community or offer time to an agency like Habitat for Humanity. This connects you with people who need others. Feeling needed and appreciated can help you feel more connected and even loved.

Plan time with your family- get together as often as you can. Babysit, host dinners, or just invite everyone to watch a game with you. Make it fun with snacks or pizza.

Also, consider counseling again if you feel you do not feel better after a few months. It may be your medication needs adjusted or you just need support that therapy can offer until you feel better.

I hope this has helped. Please let me know if you have more questions.

Kate