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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I am incredibly sad.......I went home for the holidays and

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I am incredibly sad.......I went home for the holidays and felt great but was very emotional. I moved to the west coast a year and a half ago and I love the environment out here. I was seriously involved with someone when I moved here and it dissolved quite horribly shortly after moving in together and i was left to pick up the pieces as he moved in with his parents, he is from here. I then got into another relationship a while later that lasted until just two night ago. he was abusive in all ways possible and every relationship i have been in with men since 20 i have been abused in some way.....mainly emotionally, verbally and i am alone, i have no friends, i am in between the job i left and the new one i was offered, i don't know anyone except my exes who want nothing to do with me......i still love this recent one.......but he kept saying he never wants to live with anyone, get married or have children.....i thought i was okay with that but i was compromising to be with him because i want all of that......but i can't stop the cycle of meeting these wonderful men who turn awful and abuse me. now i feel worthless, guilty, ashamed, not worthy of happiness, sad, alone, lonely.....i got back to the west coast on tuesday and i have been in bed except to take my dog out since i walked in the door of my apartment......just tonight did i join a new parish, a young professionals group within the parish, i emailed the san diego young professionals about starting to attend functions....but that won't take all these pains and scars away.....or stop this horrible cycle i have been in for 10 years with 4 men......i have considered it may be easier if i fall asleep and don't wake up because i wont hurt anymore....but sadly my thought goes to my dog and what would she do without me.....i am at the core a very happy, outgoing, positive person......i am a shell of who i am right now.......
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It sounds like you may have a situational depression. You still have the symptoms of depression but this is connected to situations in your life like the abuse. This can cause hopelessness, sadness and even suicidal thinking. It sounds like the impact of these abusive relationships is leading to severe symptoms. Abuse is not an accident if it keeps happening. You really need to isolate the reason for why you would choose relationships that lead to abuse. It is not your fault but you have to identity this reason so that it doesn't happen again. What is the characteristic that attracts you to such men. It may be the facade that these men present.

You need to find help in whatever form you can. Instead of talk therapy find a therapist trained in trauma. Then you can truly work on the issues that helps you form abusive relationships. There are therapists specifically trained in helping victims. Are the self esteem issues for instance. Call a sexual assault recovery center in your area. Then you can truly work on what makes you stay in dysfunctional relationships. Or find a women's program. When you work on what keeps you in these relationships you can work on you.

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I guess I don't know how to figure that out or if I can. Self esteem is a big issue but it only is getting worse.....then it will get better only for this cycle to repeat. What types of groups? How do you find them?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Look online in your state for sexual assault groups or rape support groups. If you aren't successful call a rape crisis center in your state or a practice dedicated to rape trauma. It may be necessary to find a rape counselor and let her find you a resource
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i just have a hard time believing that that is me........ and to make me feel worse, he sent a text this morning......we started dating a year ago today, and we met at this charity thing that is today that i am not attending........the text stated, the charity thing is today, who am i going to flirt with this year........ why does that bother me soooo much and why would he say that?!?!?!?!?