How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask MN Psychiatrist Your Own Question
MN Psychiatrist
MN Psychiatrist, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Physician for 17 years, adult psychiatrist for 13 years working with a wide variety of patients.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
MN Psychiatrist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I want to see an ex who ditched me 25 years ago to let him

This answer was rated:

I want to see an ex who ditched me 25 years ago to let him know that I suceeded without him. I find it very upsetting and it is frightening me that I can't get closure.What does this mean?
Hello, I am a psychiatrist.
I could best answer this question if I knew a little more about the situation, as well as if you ever underwent psychotherapy to process all the thoughts and feelings you had about it.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I moved back into the area 3 years ago and have from time to time seen him (I live very close to his place of work). To begin with it was just a curiosity but as time has gone by my need to speak to him has grown - fuelled in part with the knowledge that he will retire in 3 months times and therefore any chance that may have arisen to speak with will be erased.

I did not have therapy at the time and have until now never felt the need. My mother died just before I met him and I am of the opinion that I associate this loss with the imminent loss of him. When we split up he phoned me to tell me and did not give me an opportunity to say goodbye or defend myself from some false accusations that he levelled at me(which I think he knew at the time were trumped up but needing an escape route he ignored).

Of course there are many ways to deal with this and I just want to be able to keep my dignity and if I do contact him assure him that I am not stalking him - which sounds desperate in its own right. I think i am suffering from a growing sense of impending bereavment.

I see.
It's very understandable that you're feeling the way you do, especially in light of your having run into him or seen him on occasion recently, and your associating the loss of him with the loss of your mother. Feeling like this doesn't mean you're not "sane" in any respect.
To the degree that it bothers you, it makes sense to make your peace with it. The question is how to do this so that you don't accumulate any regrets you won't want to have later. The best way to determine what that means for you is probably to start seeing a therapist weekly so that you can process all your thoughts and feelings about this. Then you will be in the best spot to make a decision about what to do, and you'll have confidence that your decision -whatever it is - is the best one.
Does this make sense?
MN Psychiatrist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Yes it does make sense. I shall look forward to being able to make the right decision and thus mitigate for any future regrets. In the meantime I will keep the letter and get some therapy.

Thank you.

Related Mental Health Questions