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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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We knew we were having marital problems. My husband decided

Resolved Question:

We knew we were having marital problems. My husband decided the marriage was over. My husband started an emotional affair. My husband moved out to another town and progressed to a sexual affair with a married navy wife. I caught him cheating then he wanted a divorce. Her husband was deployed at the time. Then her husband comes home and she wants to work it out with him. The affair is ends - my husband tells me by both parties. He confessed everything. He is alone and recovering from this affair- he is heartbroken. I want to work on the marriage, But he doesn't know. He needs to see signs that I am able to change. He won't move back until he is sure. Should I divorce?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.


If you are able to believe that he is going to work on himself, if he owns his behavior and then identifies what had led to it in the first place, then it is possible to work on and salvage the marriage.

He cannot expect you to be the only one changing and the two of you would have to mutually work on the relationship. If you believe that he is still grieving the loss of his affair rather than grieving the potential loss of the marriage, then you'd want to make sure that you know what you're working with. You did not cause him to have an affair. If there were things that he was unhappy with in home, he could have spoken up about it rather than doing what was suitable and opportunistic to him. If you still love him and are willing to give it a chance again, then yes, do it before you call it quits. If you do not believe that he would do his part and your feelings had changed, it would be unhealthy in forcing yourself to do something you do not feel like doing and it makes sense to move on.

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