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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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We have a grandson, age 28, who is exhibiting sociopathic

Resolved Question:

We have a grandson, age 28, who is exhibiting sociopathic characteristics. He was diagnosed upon entering school with ADHD. He had serious temper problems resulting in adjudication at the age of 16 for sending a boy to the hospital. What we are seeing now is pervasive lying. Attempting to make himself look accomplished although he has yet to hold down a job for more that a few months at a time. He has been shiftless with no permanent address.I see him now seeking out family members upon which to prey. Looking for free home and bord and enabling him to remain disfunctional. He has recently indicated that he would like to come and stay with my husband and me. I am not only concerned about his temper but also his skill at making us feel that we owe him sustenance. Not sure how to ward off his overtures without making ourselves vulnerable to his temper. Also feel that he may be becoming fixated with us.
Need to also mention that I am the step grandmother. I am a retired school psychologist and have diagnosed a number of conduct disorder children during my career. I feel comfortable in diagnosing our grandson with antisocial personality discorder. Knowing the prognosis for this illness, of course, has made me even more anxious about our relationship with him.
My husband knows there are issues but may not hold the same level of concern that I do. I do not want to appear judgmental but feel a need to keep us safe.
Our grandson has been focusing on martial arts. Even to the point of living in the basement of the gym for several months until asked to leave. He lays on a sad story until people have had enough of him.
Just recently he was caught in possession of an illegal substance. Not sure how this will turn out.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.
Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this situation with your grandson.

Bill :

I have worked with Adolescents for over 30 years and this sounds like a situation where your gut is leading you in the right direction but as you continue to "walk on egg shells" have trouble communicating your true thoughts to your grandson.

Bill :

From what you write, I would never suggest that you open your home to him regardless of how coy and manipulative he might be.

Bill :

You would only be asking for more of the same and behavior speaks 10 times louder than words so that is my thinking about him.

Bill :

So, what do you say to him?

Bill :

Tell him in direct and forthright terms that "Living with us is Not and Option" and "You will have to find another alternative."

Bill :

Indicate that you love him and want the best for him but you have your own life to live and he has to find his own way.

Bill :

If he try's to manipulate you, stand firm and repeat "that it is NOT and Option."

Bill :

You don't have to give reasons or explanations.

Customer:

We live about 2 hours away. What if he says he wants to spend the weekend?

Bill :

I would not open the door to him for any reasons. I think he does have a character disorder and a weekend is a slippery slope to a week, a month.....etc.

Bill :

He has to understand "No" and if he can push limits to get what he wants, he will.

Bill :

Tell him that you can meet half way for lunch or something like that.

Bill :

He won't.

Customer:

This was my thought entirely. Thank you for your affirmation.

Bill :

The following information will help you set boundaries in a loving way:

Bill :

You are most welcome.

Bill :

Bill

Bill :

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Bill :

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