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AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Was dating someone who I suspected was a narcissist. We

Customer Question

Was dating someone who I suspected was a narcissist. We broke up. I applied the no contact rule and heard nothing from her as well. Then 2 months go by and she starts trying to contact me via text & phone. I did not respond to any of the attempts at contact. She then sends out malicious texts behind my back to friends. I do not respond to this either. She then shows up at my door unannounced claiming she still loves me and wants to talk about getting back together. I almost fall for it but decline and point out her bad behavior towards me. She gets angry, says some berating things to me and then says the only person that would benefit from getting back together would be me. Is this a typical narc response to a perceived rejection? or is this typical of some one with some kind of other disorder?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It is behavior of a narcissist. These people often push a relationship too far as in showing up at your daughter and sending emails to other people. That is not normal. You should be relieved that you did not pursue this as these behaviors will get more irrational. The fact that she is an angry person and does not know the guidelines for a healthy relationship is also consistent. You should not be accused of being controlling to want a healthy relationship. This behavior is very erratic and is what a narcissist does. You are never going to have a calm healthy rational relationship with anyone that takes a breakup as she did. This is too over the top to be considered normal. They are about their needs and their wants. The relationship serves a superficial purpose and that is to make them happy. That is why her reaction to the breakup was irrational. Because your needs don't matter.

You may also want to look up a borderline personality disorder. This is the closest diagnosis to a narcissist as all their relationships are intense and erratic. They see you as a lover or a enemy but nothing in between. This is the type of behavior you are describing. It will be very enlightening.

Keep your distance and consider that this will never be a quiet and healthy relationship

Please respect my advice by pressing accept; this is the only way I am compensated

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thank you, ***** ***** way in your response above she showed up at my door not at my daughter. The relationship was quite "bumpy" from the start. Everything was fine until I said or did something she didnt like and then thats when the anger flared up on her part. I do not typically have angry outbursts towards my partners but found myself at times responding with anger and stooping to her level. I was also given threats and ultimatums that if I didnt "change" she would end the relationship. If I got angry back at her and said something as horrible as her then she would play "victim" and then accuse me of fighting to "win" at all costs or say I was the abusive one. She also threatened to call the police on me on more than one occassion when we argued. I advised her that doing so is an extreme control tactic on her part to "win". She of course denied it was about control. I also tried to point out to her that such behavior was emotional abuse. I found myself at times very frustrated because of her behavior and felt I was becoming almost as volatile as her and thats why left because I did not want to be provoked further or be accused of abuse while she was in angry "victim" mode and I was tired of dealing with the manipulations and distortions. Is the above typical behavior of narcs or borderlines? Was I normal to feel angry towards her because of her behavior?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Other.
I had some follow up info I sent but the current counselour was offline when i responded so i opened up my question to get a follow up answer
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 5 years ago.
It was absolutely normal for you to feel the way you did (angry). I agree with the former expert (Psychlady) when she suggested that you investigate Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

The fact that you are even questioning whether it was "normal" for you to have the feelings that you did makes me want to really encourage you to consider that you have been dealing with a person who has BPD. It's not uncommon for the people closest to someone suffering from BPD to question their own "sanity" for lack of a better word.

I hope I have been helpful - if you have more questions, please don't hesitate to ask. However, if you are satisfied, please don't forget to click on the green accept button.
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your input. It has been helpful.
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for working with me.