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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am a member of toastmasters for seven years...a group that

Resolved Question:

I am a member of toastmasters for seven years...a group that builds confidence in its
members and that has been the case for me. I have gone from being timid and
nervous to verrry comfortable speaking in front of people.
Recentlly we have changed our executive team....and the leader seems to
be demeaning in little ways towards me....not sure why...could be that she didn't think I did a good job as leader last year. Did the best I knew but still she
is nitpicking me at every turn.
How to handle these before it snowballs into ugly confrontations....
small example of her demeaning ways....she threw the coffee cups at me and said
we need more get some next week...then I did and she said "did you get these..
not appropriate sizes,.,...turn on the lights ....just demeaning ongoing
little snippets that have me wondering how to handle her derogatory manner.
she has been leader before so it isn't that she is unsure of
what to do with thi negative dialouge???
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your new leader has some anger issues or she has a personality disorder. She may also see her position as an excuse to try to control and demean others. She may also confuse confidence with control or feel threatened by your past history as a leader.

This is not something that this person is likely to stop doing. It is most likely part of her personality and unless she sees it as a problem, she probably won't stop.

There are some steps you can take to address this problem:

One, talk to her. Tell her you would like to work as a team and want her input about how you both can achieve this goal.

Two, make sure you come across as professional. Keep your cool and show you are able to handle her. This helps others see her as the problem.

Three, do not go with her anywhere alone. If she acts out towards you, be sure others are around to hear her.

Four, ask the advice of other leaders or those you trust and respect. They can help you find ways to cope or offer alternatives.

Five, if none of these actions help, you may need to try to get into another group. People who act out like this leader is doing are unlikely to back off unless given a reason. If she will not change her attitude, then it leaves you little choice. Making yourself potentially look bad by confronting her is not going to help you. And she may use it against you by saying you are hostile or hotheaded.

I hope this has helped you,

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