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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have never told anyone this before and am scared. I was

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I have never told anyone this before and am scared. I was sexually assaulted when i was at school a few times and developed anorexia which i am over now, i also used to cut myself which i havent done for 3 years. I suppose i blocked out that i ws doing this but, i began about 10 years ago when a counsellor was force feeding me telling me "that is what you felt like when he touched you" i then began to masturbate in more and more violent ways and put mouthwash and sprays etc on my genitals so they really hurt. I still sometimes do this although i never associated it with self harm as that to me was cutting myself. I also have nightmares and sleep paralysis, panic attacks and in the last year started having pseudoseizures, which i am gaining control of (have had no help with them). my gp mentioned ptsd to me. what do u think. I am training to be a nurse and so far have managed to hide most of this but am very stressed out at mo. I need help as i cant talk to family about it and live on my own.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you have numerous issues going on right now as a result of your assault. A common reaction to being assaulted is PTSD. Nightmares, intense distress at any reminders of the event, numbness of feelings, avoidance of the incident and places that remind you of it, trouble sleeping, and guilt and shame are very common with people who suffer from PTSD.

Another symptom is self blame. It sounds like the assault affected you to the point you began to blame yourself. This became so bad that you developed conversion disorder. This disorder is characterized by showing psychological distress through body functions. For example, neurological symptoms such as seizures or difficulty swallowing without a physical cause can both be conversion disorder.

The first step is to rule out any physical cause for your symptoms. If you have not take this step already, consider seeing your doctor for a work up. You do not want to pursue the psychological avenue before you are sure you do not have a physical problem.

If you are cleared medically, then seeing a therapist should be priority. You should have a full evaluation first followed by recommended treatment which can range from individual therapy to inpatient therapy. In your case, outpatient therapy is probably enough, maybe being seen twice a week because of the intensity of your symptoms.

You can also take medications. Anti anxiety and/or anti depressions can help you cope with some of your symptoms until therapy starts to help.

Support through groups on line or in person can also help. Here are links to help you find some groups and other support:

I hope this has helped you,

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