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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My husband of 30 years is bored unhappy and blames me. We

Customer Question

My husband of 30 years is bored unhappy and blames me. We have few friends and no hobbies. Weekends and nights we have nothing to do and he puts it on me to come up with something but there is nothing he enjoys so he silks. I can entertain myself but not him. He also hates his job. I want to keep this marriage together...but he's pretty miserable and will not go to counseling. Now he's turned very sullen and hard and he's not even letting me try.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Since your husband won't go to marital counseling which is what I think the two of you should do then you should think of date nights --- go to the movie, to theatre, to concerts, to dinner. If there is a community organization where you live, join, participate in their activities. It's a good way to make new friends as is joining a church group.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

So what I am saying to you since you are the one bringing it up here --- come up with things to do. If, at first, he won't join any groups, then you do. You may meet new people. You will start talking about it --- you may get him interested.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I'll pause here and await your response to see if there is anything you would like to add to this chat.If you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I have answered your questions,please click on ACCEPT and leave feedback. Bonuses are always appreciated. You can always ask more questions after you have clicked on Accept. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.

Customer: We've done the date nights...h
Customer: We've done the date nights...he's not a joiner...he strongly disdains the things most men do to occupy themselves...watching sports, golf...he wants excitement
Customer: And activities he rings are exciting and fun...het he can't come up with things and wants me to. I don't know what do come up with anymore. We married young and have traveled and done so much. He's so unhappy. I wAnt to stay
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Do you think you can talk to him again about going to a marriage counselor. If you have tried those things and he won't go for help there is not much you can do except you go on your own. If you go that might help you and then that might motivate him. If he won't accept any help and he doesn't want to do anything on his own there is not much anyone can tell you to do except, as I said, go on your own. That certainly has helped others. There's nothing we can do to force him. If you would like help finding someone I would be glad to help you if you give me your city, state and zip code.

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