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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5822
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have quite recently moved in with my boyfriend (who I'm

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I have quite recently moved in with my boyfriend (who I'm very happy with) into his one bedroom flat.
For some reason, I have developed a fear of being there on my own,and feel frightened of the dark when we go to bed. I have stayed there many times before, and not felt like this at all. I think I've got it into my head that there's a presence in the flat although I am generally a very logical person and realise this is quite daft, given there's nothing to suggest anything is wrong in the flat.
As a result when I'm there I feel uncomfortable and can't stop myself thinking of the paranormal. I know I am exacerbating the situation by thinking about it alot but can't get myself out of that cycle. I have tried taking Bach's flower remedies, but wonder what you suggest for other forms of help?
Day to day I am normally fairly calm and relaxed, and don't really recall feeling like this before.
What do you suggest?
Thanks very much

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

Whenever someone develops a sudden fear, it is usually due to either a recent trauma of some sort or a significant change in the person's life. In your case, your move into your boyfriend's home probably triggered your fear reaction.

Since you are afraid of the paranormal and do not experience fear during the day or in any other situation, you don't necessarily have a phobia. What may have occurred is a transfer of feelings from one thing to another. What I mean is that you may have been more unsettled by the move into your boyfriend's place than you realized. You may have not recognized how you felt right away and instead transferred your feelings to the fear you have at night.

People fear change for many reasons, often not consciously. The mind has to find a way to cope so it expresses your fear in other ways. That is why phobias seem so unrealistic.

What you can do is examine your feelings around your recent move. Did you feel upset about giving up your place, maybe more than you thought? Or did you and your boyfriend have any conflicts or unresolved issues before or during your move? This may have made you question your move, even in the back of your mind. Once you can pinpoint what feelings may be causing this and you deal with them, you should begin to feel better.

Also, you may want to try talking to others about your experience. By sharing how you feel with trusted friends and family, you can unburden yourself and find support.

If you attend church, you can also speak with your pastor. They can not only offer support and comfort, they can address the nature of your fear.

If you find that you cannot work out your feelings, you may want to consider some short term counseling just to figure out why you feel this way.

I hope this has helped you,

If you need help with a referral to counseling, I can assist you with that. You may also want to check with your doctor for a referral.

And if I can help any further, please let me know.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Kate,
Thanks very much for your answer which was very helpful. I gave what you said some thought and there were a number of things which rang true.
I have been particularly worried about money - myself and my boyfriend are planning to sell his place and buy somewhere new - however I have been worried about being about to my ability to get a mortgage with credit rating etc and the idea of that has been mortifying. Not having been in a good financial situation makes me feel like a bad person, although I do realise this is a bit daft. I hadn't been able to talk to Shaun about this before.
I also don't really feel settled in Brighton yet - although I very much like the town it doesn't yet feel like my home. I've moved from a very nice flat with good friends to my boyfriends (which needs a good deal of modernisation) and while I didn't think this would be a big deal, I think it has had a huge impact.
I did speak to my boyfriend about this over the weekend and he was very re-assuring and understanding, (although obviously was worried about me feeling isolated in Brighton) so I feel overall relieved.
However, the feelings of being nervous/on edge in the flat have not gone away - in that I had a number of nightmares over the weekend - do you think this would take time?
That would be good re referral.
Thanks very much

Hi Clare,

Yes, it could take time. You may be feeling unsettled and unsure of your financial situation and adjusting to a new move is a lot at the same time. You also have a different support system than before. All of these changes can cause you to feel upset enough to have nightmares.

However, if you continue to feel this way for longer than a few months, then you may want to consider seeing a therapist. The move may have triggered some repressed memories from your past that need addressed.


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