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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am 47 years old and my husband and I have just been seperated

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I am 47 years old and my husband and I have just been seperated (his choice) . I am now faced with what to do with my days in order to help what I believe is the grieving process. Speaking of careers - 3 years ago I did a 2 year photography degree - due to boredom as the kids were grown up and it was something I always loved doing. I worked VERY hard and won both top awards (Portfolio of the year and student of the year as well as a gold and silver award for fashion and portraiture photography). You would think I would have all the talent and proof thereof to have the confidence to go forth and become a photogrphy but that is where my problem lays. I never believe in myself - cant seem drum up the energy or self confidence to take it on as a career and just relax and enjoy it. I always have a reason or excuse for turning down a job offer - from fear of failing - and always make excuses for my work even though everyone else seems to think it is great. I am my own worse enemy !

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


I am sorry to hear about your divorce. Divorce can be a very painful time. Mourning your loss is a very important part of working through to a happier life.


Self confidence comes from believing in yourself. You accept yourself and feel that you can achieve most goals that you set your mind to. And even if you fail, you still can go on because you have a good view of yourself.


Self confidence needs developed. Those who were not able to get it in childhood often struggle in adulthood. But even with the perfect environment, some people still struggle with feeling good about themselves.


If you do not feel like you have good self esteem, you can still develop it on your own. Here are some ways to increase your self esteem:


Don't think in black and white- all or nothing thinking harms you. No one is perfect so accepting that you do well sometimes and other times not so well is a healthy point of view


Make a list of your strengths- you are good at taking pictures. That is a strength that not many people have. List other strengths and keep the list where you can see it. If you have trouble making the list, as someone to help you.


Accept that failing happens to everyone- and always will. No person can escape failure in their lives.


Be aware of your thoughts- if you are always putting yourself down, then you will feel like a failure. Practice changing each of your negative thoughts into positive.


Forgive yourself- making a mistake does not make you a bad person or even lower than others.


The idea here is to change your thinking. If you feel you have trouble doing this on your own, try therapy. Cognitive Behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you work on increasing you self esteem. To find a therapist, ask your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at


You can also help yourself at home. Here are some resources to get you started:


Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning


The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi


Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame by Beverly Engel


The Courage to Be Yourself: A Woman's Guide to Emotional Strength and Self-Esteem by Sue Patton Thoele


You can find these books on or your local library may have them for you.


I hope this has helped,


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