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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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I dont even know where to begin but suddenly I am uncovering

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I dont even know where to begin but suddenly I am uncovering a huge web of lies with my husband of almost 19 years. He is constantly in a state of lies, telling different people...including myself, different stories. He is secretive...gets defensive/angered when I ask him about anything. I found out at the beginning of the year that he started having an affair with a much younger person...he is 44 ..she is 28. I aslo found out that he is/has been engaging in "threesome sex" with this girl he is having an affair with. He keeps telling me he has broken it off, yet I keep finding text/chats/emails...& even friends/family catching them together. He also keeps signing up with online dating services...looking for people interested in 3somes. I've found out, while he was away on a business trip, that our finances are out of control... (he keeps all hidden from me). He is also very OCD about many things. Many people are starting to feel there is something wrong with him.
My question is: what kind of illness am I possible dealing with here..& where do I begin to look for help for him? Or is this a simple case of midlife crisis?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear about your husband's situation.
Let me ask you a few questions first.
When did his behavior start?
Has he exhibited some of his behavior before?
Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He has always had problems with lying...I am just beginning to understand the magnitude . He also has had some indiscretions with women in the past...unsure as to how far they have gone. I believe I can recall behaviors as far back as at least 10 + yrs ago.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for waiting.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband's situation.
It sounds like he may have mood disorder, neuropsychiatric and/or personality disorder as he lies all the time, is promiscuous and impulsive, acting out sexually behind your back, spends money recklessly, and obsessive about things in general.
Possibly, he may have mood disorder such as bipolar disorder, ADHD, and/or Personality disorder such as Antisocial and Borderline PD.
I also wonder if he has sex addiction.
Does he have depression or mood swings? If so, he may have Bipolar disorder.
Indeed, people with Antisocial PD rarely seek treatment for their illness.
He may need to work with psychiatrist (M.D.) and psychotherapist. Treatment for bipolar disorder consists of pharmacotherapy (by psychiatrist), individual psychotherapy (Cognitive-behavior therapy - CBT) or Interpersonal therapy (ITP) by a licensed psychologist or psychotherapist), and group therapy or support group by a psychotherapist. Pharmacotherapy is a critical aspect of treatment.
Individual psychotherapy will help him for support, ventilation of feelings, coping skills training, and direct advice. Group therapy is useful for her to address the issues – adherence to medication and therapy, regulation of self-esteem, and management of other psychosocial issues. Support groups are available in a local community clinic or a local hospital. Friends and family should join a support group to better understand the illness so that they can continue to offer encouragement and support to him.
He and you may contact his insurance company and get a list of providers (a psychologist and a psychiatrist) in your area.
Or he may ask his primary care doctor for a referral to a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
If he has no health insurance or need low cost treatment, you may call The United Way toll free # 211 to find the community mental health centers in your area in which he can get treatment described above even without health insurance.
To find a group therapy or a support group for him, contact a local hospital or a clinic by asking if they offer a group for people with these illnesses. If you like to find a support group online, check Mental Health America website section ( - Find a group in your area.
In any case, he may need to see a psychologist for assessment and testing to determine accurate diagnoses.
I hope your husband gets treatment for his condition as soon as possible. You also get support and help from a psychotherapist, family and/or friends in this difficult time.
Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
P.S. Please remember to click the green ACCEPT button. You do not get charged twice; I will continue to answer your question whenever I am back online; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Olsen" in the front of your new question. All the best, ***** *****
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