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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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im 31 years old and i have no sexual apetite what can be w

Customer Question

im 31 years old and i have no sexual apetite what can be wrong?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.
Hello there and thanks for asking JA. I have a few questions for you. Are you on any medications? When did your problem about your sexual appetite happen? Are you in a relationship?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
No, I'm not under any type of medication. I' ve been married for two years now. I feel that i lost it right after I got pregnant from my baby she will be two in November.
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.

Hello there and thanks for letting me know. I imagine having a baby is so much work and you are feeling so tired. Many women report similar experiences to yours. Being a mother can be all-consuming and boredom is not great in a marriage. I wonder if you tried to get a baby-sitter and have weekly dates with your husband. I think most women need an emotional connection and some excitement to feel sexual. I have noticed that the excitement about dressing up turning the romance on helps.

  • Go on dates. It is important that you still go out on dates even after you have a baby. Make sure that the date will be solely about you and your spouse. Do not bring the baby with you. You don't even have to go on expensive dates. You can just do the things you used to do when you were still dating. Some of these can be a simple candlelit dinner, watching movies or taking a stroll in the park. Leave any conversations about the baby at home, as this time together is a gift to yourselves.


  • Have conversations. With all of the responsibilities and sleepless nights that come with being new parents, it is sometimes hard to make time and talk with your spouse - but numerous studies have shown that strong communication builds strong relationships. One simple thing that you can do is ask your partner how his day went or what's new at work. The talks do not have to be about serious topics. By learning how to openly communicate with your spouse, you will be able to talk about any topic easily.


  • Appreciate your spouse. Learn to say how much you appreciate each other. You don't have to verbally say it out loud to your partner all the time. You can show your appreciation by doing small things. You can write small notes on the bathroom mirror, send flowers, cook for him, and so on. Doing these simple things will show how much you appreciate having him in your life.
  • Be intimate. For some couples, it is really hard to be intimate with one another. Intimacy is crucial to keeping the romance alive, and keeping your relationship strong. A good way to begin is by remembering to always tell your partner how much you love her. Help with the new housekeeping tasks - and, of course, don't forget to keep telling her about your hopes and dreams. These simple words and gestures will remind your spouse how much you care about him. Ask you husbnad for what you want in bed. I think many couples get into a routine and loss the fun. Sex therapists suggest that you schedule sex in the beginning just like to chedule other things. Commit to having sex even if you don't feel sexual because eventually your mind will catch up with your body.
  • Have some time for yourself to do things that are all about you only.


Once a week take a dance class, go out with friends anything that will make you feel alive and support your self esteem. Many new mothers tell me that they stop feeling like a desirable woman after they have a baby. Taking care of your self will help you feel sexy and sexual.


I hope those suggestions help.