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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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For olsen., i was thinking about the thing you said - kate

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hi for steven olsen. steven, i was thinking about the thing you said - kate will pick a guy like rob. except i dont think rob is like my dad.
its not like i hated my dad either so its nott like i tried to do the exact opposite or something. and even rob says im not like his mother. rob is not like my mother (my mom always said you marry your mother... yeah?) and im not like robs father. so what gives?
i feel like rob is like my grandfather to an extent... but my grandfather didnt go to college. he was very handy and could fix anything.. and was very calm. he had a dry sense of humor especially when drinking. the grandfather im talking about is my mothers father. he was a foreman at the brooklyn navy yard. he ended up dying from it from mesothelioma. i took care of him while i was in nsg school. he died before i graduated. rob never met him. not long after i met rob. my mom said since then, oh rob can have all grandpas tools.. your father doesnt know how to use them. (yeah hahaha. my dad is handy enough but not jack of all trades. although my dad gets crazy if rob is asked to fix anything in their house...)
i mean they are both guys guys, they dont wax their eyebrows, or dress overly coordinated. or do their hair.
but my dad is loud, rob is not. my dad was aggressive when he was younger, rob is not. my dads not well educated, rob is, and rob is very smart.
although they both went to catholic school...
so, any thoughts?

This is a tough question to answer definitively. Many people in psychology do believe that we pick mates who possess traits of our parents. Some, like I do, feel that this is not 100% and that you will naturally try to emulate a functional parent, not a dysfunctional one. So, if you have to go back a generation, or even out of the family to find one to model as an object of desire, you will.

Then again, the purists would say that you answered as they would have expected. The drives to find someone like your father would be unconscious and you would deny it with logic and rational argument. (I think that is a bit over the top, but it is worth mentioning.)

I think you picked a functional replica of a father figure, if we are going to go all out Freudian here. But, I also think that people seek that which completes them. You need some of the traits Rob has and he needs some of yours. You balance each other, and even on-line I can see that that is true. (You have nice waxed eyebrows, he does Bu, I think you know what I mean.

I see you are getting younger by the day. Amazing. Steven

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
well, rob thinks i am not like his mother, i dont think im like her either.
i can cook, she cant, im into making sure im put together,- looks wise shes not. i write thank you cards, she doesnt.
my dad is a ball buster rob isnt. my dads talkative, rob isnt.
ps i thread my eyebrows, thats even better for your arch but it hurts more. and no im not into the whole hurts so good pain.
oh and i was going to say for age barely legal, but didnt want to turn you and rob on...