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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5837
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My ex girlfriend of 2 years walked out on me a few months

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My ex girlfriend of 2 years walked out on me a few months ago. No real explanation. No closure. Just wanted to leave. I loved her deeply and felt I had a deep connection with her. She seemed to accept the person that I was (the good and the bad), and I accepted her (the good and the bad). Well now that she is gone, I am completely beating myself up about it. I blame myself for everything. Even though she didn't communicate anything to me, I find that I am filling in the blanks for her. All my faults are being exaggerated in my head.
Somebody told me the other day I should make a list of all the things I like about myself and focus on that. I attempted it. I just ended up staring at a blank piece of paper for a couple of hours. I had nothing. I showed this girl everthing I was. I was completely honest about myself with her. She walked away from the relationship like I was nothing, she never made any indication she was unhappy, except for some cryptic remarks at the end, that I dont consider real communication. I guess I was not even worth trying to make the relationship work, when it became stagnant. She rejected me, and now I have joined in and I'm rejecting myself. I no longer feel worthy of love. I can no longer accept myself for who I am because those attributes (in my mind) caused me to lose the person I thought I would end up marrying. I want to wake up and just be a completely different person, because I cant stand myself anymore. I need help!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your girlfriend decided to leave on her own. If she had an issue with you, she would have brought it up. But she just left, which means there was something about herself that caused her to leave. No one just gets up and leaves if there are problems in a relationship that they are invested in unless there is something going on with them.

Because she left without explaining why, she left you with nothing but questions. And because you are experiencing a blow to your self esteem from the ending of the relationship, you are putting the reasons for her leaving on yourself. But you do not know that is why she left. There are no signs that it was because of you or even because of the relationship.

The best way to address this is to take a look at your own self esteem. What makes you take a situation like this and turn it on yourself? Finding out why you do this will help you see the ending of the relationship as something she chose to do and not something about you.

You may also want to consider counseling. A relationship that had trust that just ends causes a great loss. You need time to mourn and you need support. And you need help to learn how to trust again.Talk to your doctor about a referral. Or search on line at

I think the list of your good attributes is a great idea. You were in a long term relationship so that means you can be in another one again. Focusing on your own good traits will help you see that you can recover from this and begin a new relationship. One good attribute you have is reaching out when you need help. That is a great strength and a sign of good mental health.

I hope this has helped you,

TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you