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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
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First of all, I am not good at talking about how I feel. I

Resolved Question:

First of all, I am not good at talking about how I feel. I have seen therapists for this issue in the past and it has done me no good because for some reason I just cannot open up. This is my deepest, darkest, most well hidden secret and it is getting to the point where I can no longer hide it. I am a cutter, I have been since I was 12. As I have gotten older I have been able to control it, for the most part; and when I can't control it, I can hide it. I know that sounds horribly unhealthy but cutting is something I live with every day, an addiction, if you will. I wish cutting was my issue right now, but it's not. I have a new habit and it is getting increasingly harder to control. I hit myself, as hard as I can, in the face. I just completely lose control when I have emotional pain and I have to turn it in to something I can deal with, enter physical pain. I am sitting here typing this with the two black eyes I gave myself last night. I want to say for the record that I am not a violent person, I have never hurt anyone but myself and it's not an anger thing, I wish it were that simple. I am too old to be doing this, I am educated, I have a professional career and I work in a field where this kind of thing does not go unnoticed. I find myself lying to everyone, even my close friends, I am not okay with that but I don't know what else to do. There are a few things I have figured out with this issue I am having. I only do this when my partner and I have some huge fight and I feel like I have been broken down to nothing. I feel like I am not good enough and my feelings do not get due justice; hell, my feelings do not even get acknowledged and when they do, she turns them back on me. This fight last night is not even something I started, we both kept it going but I am the only one gets drug through the dirt and told every little thing that is wrong with me. The emotional pain that is caused during these fights is what causes me to hurt myself because I cannot, or maybe will not deal with the apathy coming from my partner. I know she is not the root of this problem but it is not all me when we fight and it becomes all me when I hurt myself. I have to find a way to control this, no matter how she acts or what she says, I have to control this for me.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 6 years ago.
AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer... Let me see if I can help here....

AgapeDoc :

I have read your post through a couple of times and I am so sorry that you find yourself in this most unfortunate situation.....

AgapeDoc :

However, I am glad that you reached out and I am glad that I picked up the question. I say this because I have some experience with this issue.

AgapeDoc :

I don't know how much you know about "cutting" so I won't go into it too much here, but you can find a lot of information on this topic online. I will say that it is very common and becoming more and more common among adolescents. It is a way of controlling situations and emotions.

AgapeDoc :

In some ways it is more desirable than the alternatives. That is to say it is a coping strategy that people use in an effort to avoid doing something more damaging. It does this by allowing the person doing the cutting to control what is happening to him or her. Even though cutting is not good, it is at least being controlled by you and it's not as bad as some other things.

AgapeDoc :

Research strongly suggests that cutting a method to reduce suicidal tendencies.

AgapeDoc :

In addition to the controlling issue, cutting also releases small amounts of endorphins which is the body's natural morphine. So cutting is a way to help emotionally as well as physiologically.

AgapeDoc :

Having said that.... it could be argued that it is a solution - but it is a solution that is not effective :(

AgapeDoc :

Now, you have escalated to the point of hitting yourself - which is an extension of cutting. It does let you control the situation such as it was last night with the argument. You took your frustration out on yourself rather than the furniture, or another human being. Additionally, even though it hurt, you still had the endorphins released.

AgapeDoc :

But again, it is a solution that is not effective.

AgapeDoc :

So.....

AgapeDoc :

Your challenge is to find a solution that is effective. This may be running, biking, or something similar. OH IF IT WAS ONLY AS EASY AS THAT :)

AgapeDoc :

Yes, those things I just mentioned may be the answer to your issues, but it's going to take some help from a professional to get you there....

AgapeDoc :

There is good news though...

AgapeDoc :

Yes it will in all likelihood require therapy, but I am going to suggest that you contact a licensed therapist that is also certified in hypnotherapy.

AgapeDoc :

Hypnotherapy doesn't require you to do as much talking as some of the other forms of therapy, but it can give you tremendous coping strategies to manage your emotions. I am not a hypnotherapist, but I have referred many clients to certified hypnotherapists and they have had tremendous success :)

AgapeDoc :

Your situation to me just begs to be addressed in this manner and I am confident that this will help you.

AgapeDoc :

Again, I know this is not an easy situation (to say the least) but you have taken the first steps to moving forward and dealing with this issue in a more functional and acceptable manner. I'm sure that things can get better for you and it won't take years of therapy.

AgapeDoc :

If I have been helpful, and only if you are satisfied with my efforts, please don't forget to click on the green accept button so I can get credit for my work.

AgapeDoc :

I wish you well :)

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