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Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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On 2 of my husbands shirt collars I smell perfume that is

Resolved Question:

on 2 of my husbands shirt collars I smell perfume that is not mine. He has been at a conference and he says it is because everyone gives him lots of hugs. I would like to believe him, but should I?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 5 years ago.

I understand that you might feel concerned. You sound suspicious. Has anything similar happened before?how is your relationship with your husband like? what do you think this perfume may be about?if you had to guess, what would you guess it is?have you felt suspicious before and how do you feel after this? have you spoken about it with him and how you have been feeling like?if you can give a bit more information I would be able to understand the situation better
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

For Mina,

We have had some problems but no cheating that I know of. His explanation is hard for me to believe. I confronted him and he obviously denied it and said that I should trust him. He has gone on other conferences before and I have not smelled any perfume before. He stayed an extra night this time because it was raining and he didn't want to drive. I am concerned as our love life is not great.

Expert:  Mina replied 5 years ago.
I see. So you have noticed some differences. What does your instinct say to you? and also, how would you feel if you knew that this is true?what difference or impact would that have on your relationship?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I am sorry, but all you have answered is by asking more questions. If he cheated he will lose me no compromise. I just want to know if his explanation of woman hugging him at a conference is a valid or realistic reason of why he has perfume on his shirts or am I being a fool to believe him.

Expert:  Mina replied 5 years ago.
As you probably understand yourself this is very difficult for someone to know what actually happened. No one is able to tell you for sure if he is telling the truth or not. The question is now how are you going to deal with this uncertainty. If this is the first time, then I would suggest that you expressed these concerns and your insecurity to him and discuss with him how your trust has been shaken. Tell him all your thoughts and how this is affecting you and your relationship.
If in the near future you realize that nothing suspicious is happening and this incident did not involve any women then your insecurity will resolve in time. If you sense however that he is involved with someone else, you will most likely understand this from his changes in his behavior, mood swings, being evasive, possibly withdrawn and other changes that you would notice.
In all cases, if you feel that your relationship is at risk, it would be a good idea to discuss with your husband to engage in couple's therapy. You said that your sex life is not great. I guess there is some work to be done in this area. Couples therapy would help the communication between the two of you and you will both have the opportunity to express difficult thoughts and emotions in a safe place. Couples who are concerned about losing communication and interest in sex benefit a lot from exploring these reasons before something like what you are afraid of happens such as an affair. You can discuss this with him and see what he says.

Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts

All the best

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