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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate: My therapist doesn`t really know that I`m thinking of

Resolved Question:

My therapist doesn`t really know that I`m thinking of suicide more often. I may have mentioned quite some time ago about writing a note to my daughter but I can`t remember for sure.
I just feel very alone with my problems. Not many people know about all that has happened to me. I can`t talk about it freely for obvious reasons. But ever since writing that letter to my attacker, I have felt worse and worse. I am not hungry and I always have this nervous feeling like something bad is going to happen in the pit of my stomach. I spend my days lying around or sleeping. Plus, I am NOT a cryer. But these days, I always feel like I`m on the verge of tears or am crying. Life seems quite bleak to me.
Sorry. This message just seems like one big complaint. I didn`t mean for that to happen. I guess I just needed to vent a bit.
Thanks for always helping me.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.


I am always happy to talk with you. Talking about your problems is not complaining, it is expressing very deep, and very difficult emotional traumas that need attention. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It is a sign of strength to know when you feel in over your head and need assistance.

It may be that writing that letter reopened the trauma you experienced with being attacked. Reliving it, without having the tools to address it and feel safer, is basically going through it all over again. But this time, you are safe and it is something you can repeat to yourself as much as possible. And that is something we can work on together and you and your therapist can work on as well. Feeling safe and realizing that the attacks are in no way your fault. You survived and you will thrive.

You may be feeling overwhelmed by the feelings you have. That is ok. The next step is to reach out. Talking to others like me and your therapist and taking a risk to talk to other survivors with PTSD will go a long way to help you feel less alone. Have you tried a support group? You could join one online, allowing you to maintain your privacy but allowing you to get the support you need. What do you think?

Also, consider telling your therapist about your suicidal feelings. It is very important that she knows in case you begin to feel even worse. If you cannot tell her, find someone you trust to tell. At least one other person that can be with you if you feel worse and need immediate help. This is not worth losing you over. And one small step can make a world of difference and keep you with us. You are important.


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