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How do I deal with the fact that I have ruined my husbands…

Customer Question
How do I deal with...
How do I deal with the fact that I have ruined my husbands chance for the job he wants?
Submitted: 6 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 5 minutes by:
9/23/2011
Mental Health Professional: Mina, Clinical Psychologist replied 6 years ago
Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience: Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
Verified

Hello,

would like to tell me a bit more about the situation?How do you think you have done that and how does your husband feel about it?

thank you

Mina

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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
Many years ago we had a fight, I called the police. I was angry, and depressed. A report was made. Nobody was arrested, but that report is on my husbands record.
Mental Health Professional: Mina, Clinical Psychologist replied 6 years ago
was there any verbal or physical abuse involved?how does your husband feel about it now?do you discuss about it?
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Customer reply replied 6 years ago

There was verbal abuse on my part. I was depressed, and was admitted into a hospital a while later. He will always tell me that things are ok... He bears the burden for that unwarented call that I made.

Mental Health Professional: Mina, Clinical Psychologist replied 6 years ago

I see. I can imagine how you must be feeling like. As you describe it however, it sounds like your mental state was rather unstable at that time and you were not thinking clearly about the situation. Also, sometimes we may take all the blame but it usually takes two to get into an argument that serious. Even if that does not apply in your case, you need to understand that during this time, you were not in a position to think clearly. It is a burden to carry, I understand. However, you need to realize that if this happened again now, you would most likely have dealt it in a different way. Wouldn't you? This is something that I assume you have already paid the price for by feeling guilty about it all this time. Feeling guilty means that we take the responsibility for what happened and this sometimes is the only think that we can do. But guilt has its limits as well. Couples deal with things together and this is one thing that you need to deal with together. Your husband seems to understand that you were not in a position to think or act clearly back then?why don't you?You now need to be careful that your guilt will not affect this relationship more than it has already. You need to get passed this together and let it behind if there is nothing either of you can do about it.

Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts

Thank you

Mina

Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience: Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
Verified
Mina and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
Relist: Other.
I was in the middle of typing and was not given more time to finish. Not sure what happened. I thought she was professional and nice.
Mental Health Professional: Mina, Clinical Psychologist replied 6 years ago

I am not sure what you mean by saying I didn;t give you enough time to type. There could have been a computer glitch. Have you had the chance to see my latest reply?

if you would still like a different answer I could opt out, no problem.

All the best

Mina

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