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mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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I have difficulty maintaining an erection during

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I have difficulty maintaining an erection during intercourse. I use viagra occasionally, which helps but then during sex, I sometimes lose the erection.
Good morning and welcome to Just Answer. First please allow me to say that I'm truly sorry to hear of the difficulty you're experiencing and sincerely ***** ***** I can help.
Quite often in cases such as yours one's level of anxiety has a great deal to do with the problem at hand. Given that you are able to achieve an erection demonstrates that it's more of a psychological issue than it is physical or physiological. My impression is such that during intercourse your thoughts may be heavily concentrated on not losing your erection and to perform that it's likely to be contributing to you losing the erection while engaged in sexual intercourse. This is often called performance anxiety. Our thoughts have a great deal of impact on our physical presentation and oftentimes anxiety manifests itself physically.
My suggestion would be to first speak with your physician to rule out anything medical which may be contributing to the loss of erection just to be as thorough as possible. I would then suggest seeing a therapist to help you to manage better any feelings of nervousness or inadequacy which often occurs as well. I'm also going to give you a link to a workbook to help you as well which includes exercises to help you further understand the issue in question as well as ways to manage it.
Here's a link to the workbook:
Please feel free to ask any additional questions you may have or if you require any additional clarification on any of the suggestions I've offered. I sincerely ***** ***** helps in answering your question and I look forward to your response.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

thank you for you response. I should tell you that I believe I know the reason I am feeling this performance anxiety. 15 years ago I found out my wife was having an affair with an older man and we nearly divorced. since then, though we've been reconciled for years, I still think about it and whether she's doing it again with another man. These thought invade my mind when we have sex because I want to satisfy her and prove I am a worthy man. I love her very much and do not want to lose her.

I know this is affecting my performance in bed and need to undersand teecniques how to rid my mind of these thoughts. How to relax and not think about negative things. Can you help??

I need to understand howfound out and confronted her but it still

Good evening and please accept my sincere apologies for the delay in my response as I've been ill for the last day or so with the flu. As for your response...I would agree that this is likely where your anxiety is stemming from and that you're experiencing what are called "intrusive" or "automatic" thoughts in which your mind reverts back to the affair that she had years ago.

I would like to make a few suggestions in addition to the workbook I gave you a link to above. Given the additional information you've provided it's actually more than just regular techniques to help you relax. It's more along the lines of managing the negative thoughts that are occurring. The first suggestion is a different workbook which is based on pure cognitive behavioral therapy which concentrates on working on the negative thoughts that you're having, identifying them, and managing their emotional and behavioral impact (i.e. your performance anxiety, etc) The workbook includes exercises that you can do in order to manage better the thoughts.

Here's a link to that workbook:

The other suggestion I would like to make is to consider seeing a therapist that is skilled in the same approach to help you process the feelings and emotions that you're having. There appears to be a lot of unresolved issues in relation to the affair that you still hold on to.

I sincerely ***** ***** this helps answer your question further and please feel free to ask any further question as I want to be certain your question is answered thoroughly and that you are satisfied with the answer. Again, thank you for the chance to help and I hope this finds you well.

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