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Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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My friends girlfriend seems to be very jealous of me. I

Resolved Question:

My friends girlfriend seems to be very jealous of me. I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I have a very easy going fun friendship with her boyfriend and we have a good dance connection(we do swing dancing it is a partner dance from the 1930s very fun and energetic) and for just over a year she has made me feel Honorable and unconformable, like I am doing something wrong I have my own boyfriend and so have no other interest in this guy beyond the above. It has gotten to the point where I can barely even have a catch up conversation with my friend as she will go out of her way to rudely interrupt and steal his attention, we can't even freely ask each other to dance she watches him like a hawk. She does not even acknowledge my presence and has for some time stopped saying hello so I have also given up. It is starting to make me really angry i all a want to do is go dancing and dance with who I like and have some good old fashioned fun. But this girl is making it near impossible. I would just love for as to all get along, But I don't know how I can solve this or begin to aproch the subject. I have talked to the guy in question about the situation, and he is also at a loss about what to do. I don't know what to do, How can I make this girl see that she is behaving so badly and that she has nothing to worry about? I need some responsible strategy before I break and can't handle the situation.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 6 years ago.

I am sorry to hear that you are having these difficulties. I can imagine that it must be very awkward for you not to know how to behave around her. However, in these situations it is her boyfriend that need to resolve the situation and not you. She seems to be feeling very insecure around you and this may have nothing to do with you personally. She may be very possessive or perhaps betrayed in the past by another friend. In all cases, you can't possibly know why she is feeling so threatened by your presence. This is why it is down to her boyfriend to set boundaries with her and for him to take some control of the relationships he wants to have in his life. The more power he gives to her the more she will abuse this. If someone gives in to these kind of demands then that person might end up being manipulated and controlled and with no friends. It is possible that your friend feels powerless when it comes to setting these boundaries and he may feel afraid that he will lose her but at the end of the day he needs to chose if he wants to be manipulated. There is always a third option of him setting the boundaries and pushing back a bit. In an effort to support his actions, you could possibly arrange to go out with them and your boyfriend to re assure her that you are not interested in her boyfriend. I don't feel that there is anything more that you can do now.

I hope this makes sense. Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts.


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