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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Family is really important to me. Ive been with my husband

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Family is really important to me. I've been with my husband for 17 years, married for 10. I was the first person he dated after deciding to get divorced. His ex told his children I was the reason for the divorce. They were 7 and 5. We married when they were 14 and 12. We were not close, but their mother was a big factor in that. Now they are adults and no longer living with their mother. They still avoid me. I feel like my husband has two families and it really hurts my feelings. We have one grandchild from my daughter and I see the future of not being a part of weddings with my stepchildren, or being a part of my grandchildren's lives and I am contemplating leaving my husband, that I do love, because I don't think I can withstand that pain. Am I completely overreacting?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It sounds like this situation could be resolvable but I understand your frustration. He has to want to resolve this too. If not then you get the reaction you are getting now. If you meet with this kind of resistance then he may not be open to changing his behavior. If he is not then nothing will change. You can explain the reason why family is important and offer a solution that he can live with. If his position is all about him then compromise is difficult. He has to want to merge you and everyone else. He may not share your desire for family. That is why you are getting this resistance.


I would offer to access marriage counseling before I end it but that is up to you. You could share your position in front of a neutral party and seek compromise that way. In the end if you think nothing is going to change then you are free to separate. He may come to his senses after you actually separate.


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