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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Ive been married for 10 years,and weve been together for 13.

Customer Question

Hi..Ive been married for 10 years,and weve been together for 13. We have 3 husband owns his own buisness and we decided I would stay at home with the babies until they were ready to start school. Almost 4 years ago my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and i had to watch her slowly waste away...she died two yrs ago in March. We suffered a bankrupcy,financial strains,etc,as well....i felt him pulling away from me at several times,but he always "came back"..he has been diagnosed with some health problems,but so far they are manageable. A month ago he said he loves me but isnt in love with me,and he feels guilty he didnt. He didnt even speak to our eldest teenage daughter before he left,he just moved out. I see him often when he comes to get our son for over night visits,sometimes he comes by to see the kids or we all meet at the pool for a few hours..He said i did nothing wrong,we text/talk all the time,and still have fun together when we are playing with the kids..but I feel like I have lost everything. I am still raw from losing my mom, and losing him has been beyond hard..i miss him so..i know we are meant for one another..his mom,his best friend,they also cant believe it..they feel he is just being selfish right now,but i just dont know what to do i show him that what we have is better than good? I cant seem to accept this. we were so busy with work,money issues,kids,family,etc,his stress is so great...but we never were able to take time as a couple,so i think that is what had its affect. how do i show him that if we had some time alone we could get back to a good place together? he is my family, and i think we should do everything we can to try and stay together...thank you...
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I agree with you. If he doesn't have time to talk as a couple then make time. You already said that he doesn't believe in counseling. There is no other way to truly put this issue to rest whatever the decision. You have to talk about it at length to finally be able to focus on his decision. You can't want the relationship by yourself so there is no other solution. Find out once and for all what he wants. Make a point to tell him what this discussion will be about. That is the fair thing to do. Tell him on this day you want to talk about the relationship. If he appears you know he wants to talk about you as a couple. Set a time and have your thoughts organized. Agree that with this discussion you will have closure. If it doesn't turn out well you have to move on. Consider counseling for all of your losses either way.

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