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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Am I the only woman out there that has a husband who loves

Customer Question

Am I the only woman out there that has a husband who loves me and I know he does, but when it comes to an event in our life, (ex: wedding anniversary, birthday) I sit empty handed and he does not even acknowledge that it is a special day? I feel like I am not even worth the effort of picking a wild flower from the neighbors yard. And why does that hurt me so much. Like I said, even though I KNOW he loves me as he shows me in so many ways most every day, why does it make me feel hurt when he doesn't acknowledge a special day in our lives. We have been married seven years and the special day came, I gave a card and a small bag of heart shaped candies, and he ....well, I am feeling so hurt right now, I don't even remember if he even said happy ann. I have
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You husband either has some kind of a blind spot, or he is one of those purists or idealists who does not accept the reality that even though cards or flowers or chocolates are benefiting some corporation or store, they are also touching a woman's heart.

One way you can give him the message is to order an expensive bouquet of flowers and have the card made out from him to you. Have it delivered, particularly when you are at home, and then thank him and show his your joy and appreciation.

If he does not get it, or if he gets upset about it, tell him in uncertain terms that he doesn't understand women, that he is a great disappointment to him, and that you would like him to go to counseling with you in order to save your marriage from becoming an empty shell.

He may be very smart, but he is dumb as a sack of rocks when it comes to relationships. I small gesture or a few kind words will cost him nothing and do so much. Withhold the same, does so much harm.

He is a good person, according to what you have written, but he has no practical sense and he has no humility - not enough to say happy anniversary.

He is not too old to learn, but he must be taught that it is wrong for him to hurt you by simple omission. You need to let him know that he is chipping away at the relationship by being stubborn and thoughtless.

If he doesn't care about your feelings, even if he things they are immature or silly, then he might wind up with his own feelings hurt.

While waiting for him to change, reward yourself for your birthday, anniversary, etc. and let him see that it is an important event for you.

Best wishes,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC

Men are very intellectually oriented, but do not have the emotional intelligence that women do, in many cases (there are exceptions of course - your husband is not one of them).