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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I am in a relationship, we are temporarily living together

Customer Question

I am in a relationship, we are temporarily living together as he insisted we do until i find a better job. He blows up and says very mean things then the next day or later that night acts like nothing happened or apologizes. He yells at me for not having any friends yet I just moved here a year ago and left my job months ago so it has been VERY hard to make friends. Yet he says that I am too social and talk too much and am a HORRIBLE listener which is so untrue! I hear and listen to everything even when he is being an ass!! I feel sad and depressed and on top of it he always talks about how this is short term that he never wants to be with someone long term yet tells me he loves me and all of this crap. He has been married once and she had kids. He still pays for their insurance even though the kids aren't his and he still is legally married and won't get a divorce yet says they both want to make it official now. To top it off I am having a hard time FINDING a job! HELP!!!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 6 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I am sorry about your two problems, which are both taking their toll on you. The man you are living with sounds like he is not worthy enough for you. He abuses you emotionally, and has involved you in a dead-end relationship which is just making you depressed.

I strongly urge you to find a way out.

If you have no job and no place to go, you could consider going back from where you came, where you have friends and family - a support group, which you don't have where you are now. You also need to escape this abuse. Then you won't need therapy or meds. If you have to have that kind of support to endure your situation, it is time for you to get out.

This man sounds like a very difficult and unhealthy person. Leaving him will be a great weight off of your life.

I wish you wisdom and courage, and the strength to move forward with your life.

Warmest regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
I know it is not healthy, however, I want to know how to deal with the situation I am in right now. Moving home is NOT an option as I have dreamed of living here. I need coping advise to deal with this until I do get a job and do get my own place again and DO make friends.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You can't deal with someone emotionally abusive by using some coping strategies. This relationship is toxic. Your only option with the boundaries you have set is to tolerate this situation until you have the resources to leave. That is going to mean that until then you will have to strong and not be his emotional punching bag. If you stand up for yourself that could make him more angry and if you don't then that leads to further abuse. Instead of coping with this all your best option is to find a way to leave. Maybe people back home can help you get funds together. You can't cope with a bully!