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Answered in 3 minutes by:
8/31/2011
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
VerifiedDuddy :
Welcome, I am a professional counselor. I'm very sorry to hear what you're describing, it must be very difficult for you at times. In order to provide you with a strong, practical answer, I'd like to better understand your story and your question. Do you have a few minutes to chat?
Duddy :
I'd like more details about how, when, why and what kind of shutting off you did if that's ok.
Duddy :
I'm showing you as "standing by" are you available for a few moments? Maybe you're away from your computer.
Customer:
yes
Duddy :
Ok thank you. What can you tell me so that I can better understand what you mean by shutting off?
Customer:
i was in an abusive relationship im foreign and my husband was american.but hated my family and i believe i just blamed everyone else for my bad treatment. i have 3 kids and had them young. i just know something could be wrong
Customer:
but not sure if my not seeing a specialist would result in something bad later. i dont cry over him, but i know it affected me. i just have a shell around me but im not sure for how long i can behave like nothing bothers me
Customer:
is this common?
Customer:
i dont cry,idont want family gatherings, i dont like talking to pple, i am simply not social anymore. since this happened. my family can call me for days without me answering their calls and life goes on for me as if nothing is wrong
Duddy :
I'm very sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult time. It can happen that a person does not go through the proper grieving process. You also mentioned an abusive relationship, so if there was anything really bad there emotionally, that an also making things more difficult.....
Duddy :
What made you cut out family? Was it his family or your biological family you cut out?
Duddy :
Also, what do you mean by "cut-out" more specifically?
Customer:
his family i just never bothered to visit or talk to after the funeral. my mom specifically i know i have some child hood issues with her. i dont speak to my father at all because of an urgument that took place when my husband was alive and my dad took my husbands side and it hurt me alot since i was very close to my dad and he was siding witht hi man who beats me
Customer:
so i never spoke to him and i never told him why
Duddy :
My goodness, that must be so hard on you. It sounds to me like a very difficult situation with many relationship issues to resolve. It may also be very helpful for you to get depression screening because sometimes a person can get emotionally really down when all of these things happen in such close proximity....
Duddy :
Do you feel uncomfortable getting some counseling in your area face to face?
Customer:
no im fine im just scared to face alot of painful memories?
Duddy :
my screen says you're still typing so I'm just waiting to see what you add here...
Customer:
i think i even typed to you because my lawyer advised me to since im facing some immigration issues he asked me why i never sought out coucelling before. it has been 4 months now since the day my lawyer asked me. its like anyone who smells trouble around my life i cut them off
Duddy :
Is it anxiety, anger or sadness?
Duddy :
Also how is your appetite and your sleep patterns? Do you eat properly and get enough sleep?
Duddy :
I ask this because skipping meals or eating too much can or too little can be signs of depression.
Customer:
i only eat 1 meal a day. no breakfast for the past 4 years or so
Duddy :
What about sleep?
Customer:
i sometimes sleep around 1am or even 3 am
Customer:
or take medicine to sleep.
Duddy :
Are these sleeping and eating issues something you experienced before or after your husbands passing or both?
Customer:
ok now im getting even more scared that you will say i have a problem. now that im thinking i used to sleep and eat before.
Duddy :
Do you have any kind of social support , interaction with family or friends at all?
Customer:
no friends, family never really understood how to support me. my mom like to control everyone so the boys just stayed away but now that they have kids they try to want to be close by i have already pushed everyone away
Customer:
so im in bed all alone every day
Duddy :
I'm concerned as well from what you're telling me. But not scared. These are questions that any depression screen questionnaire or interview would ask.
Duddy :
Did you're doctor prescribe sleep medication?
Customer:
then my kids are now school age and my mom has taken them away from me due to my immigration issues and also because she uses them as a pawn to give her money every week.
Customer:
i never saw a doctor never discussed this with anyone
Customer:
do you think its time to see someone?
Duddy :
Yes, It sound's to me like there is an issue here and I have to suggest that you see someone in person. Do you have a family doctor?
Duddy :
..someone who knows your medical and personal history and that you feel comfortable with?
Customer:
no i dont
Customer:
how can i find someone local?
Duddy :
Well let me ask you a few questions, if that's ok....
Duddy :
Do you currently work?
Customer:
ok
Customer:
yes i do
Duddy :
Do you have an employee assistance program or EAP?
Customer:
no
Customer:
i only have kaiser as insurance from my job
Duddy :
You may also have an EAP program, which would provide free counseling. Most people don't even know that they have it. I'd check into that with our HR department. An EAP would provide you with free, fully confidential counseling.
Duddy :
Plan B would be to use your insurance. I would recommend that you find a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. Let me get you a link that explains what that kind of counseling is...back in a minute...
Customer:
its a small company so we dont even have a HR dept.
Customer:
ok thanks
Duddy :
If it's ok to ask, what state and city do you live in? I'll do a search for therapists and organizations that would have a qualified CBT therapist.
Customer:
im in maryland
Customer:
or DC
Duddy :
Is it ok to ask what city or area?
Customer:
bowie
Customer:
maryland
Customer:
or anything around DC
Duddy :
DC. Bowie ok back in a minute....
Duddy :
Is this the right area? http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?city=Bowie&county=Prince+Georges&state=MD&s6=1
Customer:
yes. can i also search for DC in this site?
Duddy :
Yes you can. Let me check and get another link...
Duddy :
I selected washington there and got "hagardstown"? Can you select a city or town from that list and let me know if you can find a CBT therapist in your area? I'll find some other resources...
Customer:
thanks
Duddy :
Duddy :
This looks like a good person to talk to as well.
Customer:
thanks alot
Duddy :
Ideally you want to find someone in your area that has at least a master's degree in Counseling or Psychotherapy and who has CBT training. Make sure they are fully licenced and insured. Your insurance company may have some suggestions as well.
Duddy :
You're very welcome. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Customer:
you have been more than helpful thanks you
Duddy :
Ok. I wish you the very best. Please, don't be affraid to get help and really find out what's going on. It's fully confidential and you'd be surprised how quickly things can improve through CBT.
Duddy :
Have a good night!
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
VerifiedDavid Akiva and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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