I think the problem I am having the most with is the way she allowed me to leave...so upset. She did
explain to me that she was late because of her electronic scheduler and that if she spent more time with me, the next person would be waiting and that would only leave her 15 minutes for lunch as it was. At the time, I couldn`t have cared less about any of those problems she had. I know, I`m not being very understanding.
But the fact remains that she knows me well enough to know that I would probably allow this incident and our ending to spoil my entire weekend and that I would be really struggling. At least I think she knows this as we`ve spoken about it before.
I do remember her telling me once that it is not good that I allow how our session goes to dictate how the rest of my week goes. Do you agree with this statement. Maybe I place far too much onus of responsibility on her to make me happy. I am just not sure about this.
I do like her and I believe she is helping me so I don`t think a getting a new therapist is the right thing for me to do. She has proven to be quite empathetic in the past. So I do think she cares but was preoccupied. That doesn`t mean I don`t feel pretty hurt by her actions.
I wish I knew how to meet some of my own needs. I usually just isolate myself or become destructive but only toward myself. I don`t know how to help myself. I certainly don`t want her to hold all the power of how I feel 24 hours a day, seven days a week. But that seems to be how it is right now. I obviously am a failure at self-help.
I feel so sad
about the entire situation and I already have so much other stuff to be sad about that I don`t need anything extra.