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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5822
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate: Thanks for your response as you are supplying me with

Resolved Question:

Thanks for your response as you are supplying me with some very good information that I will be able to use moving forward.
I planned to do some cognitive jornaling around this subject as it does sometimes help. I do realize my self-esteem is low. It never used to be which is sad. It is something my attacker took with him. I often feel like a piece of garbage which is how he treated me.
My immediate problem is that I am really having a tough time getting through the weekend with all these unresolved feelings. I have barely done anything since Friday`s incident with her. I think she did have a bit of a scheduling problem and where I live, the government pays her, so I am not paying her. Even if I was, I don`t think this would be a problem for me.
I think what really bothers me is that she KNEW I was very upset, with tears (which is very rare for me) and still let me go like that. If only she could have shown some compassion for how desperate I was feeling. I know she knew how I was feeling and I was very hurt that she did not seem to care about it.
I am supposed to see her on Monday. But I have mixed feelings. I, of course want to go but am still quite upset at her. I don`t want to waste my entire time with her hashing this situation to pieces but it will be difficult for me to talk openly about the rough stuff when I feel she doesn`t care.
I don`t know what to do.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

You are welcome! I am glad you feel the information will help.

In dealing with your self esteem, it is helpful to realize that you do have a lot of power in the situation. Although your attacker did things to you against your will, how you feel about it and what you do afterwards makes a difference. It is something you have control over. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel the way you do. You are going to react to what happened no matter what. To not react would mean there is something wrong.

What I mean is working on not giving your self esteem to your attacker. Not allowing him more than he took already. The trauma you went through was not something you could control. No one could. But giving your attacker your self esteem and believing what he did to you was about you is. The attack was about him, not you. Anyone who acts out violently has something seriously wrong with them. The victim does not. They just happen to be the focus of the attacker's problems. So working on taking back your self esteem and not believing what your attacker said or did was about you is a good way to heal.

It is a good idea to talk to your therapist about how you feel. The issue here is trust. She violated something important to you which is your trust that she would take care of you. But keep in mind that your needs may not have been apparent to her, or she was preoccupied and could not address them at the time. You are at a very vulnerable time right now. Seeing your therapist as a person who can be there for you is vital to you. But your therapist made a mistake. Or she felt she could not be there for you at the time. Whatever the reason, she was not focused on your needs. Whether or not it is because she doesn't care about you as you expected or that she made a mistake is something you need to work out.

Look at your expectations of her. How do you feel about your relationship with her? What needs do you feel she should meet? Are they realistic? They can be very realistic and she may not be able to meet them. Or your expectations could be very high as well, too difficult for her to meet. If they are, how else could you meet your needs that does not involve your therapist? Or do you feel you need to see a different therapist?

The idea here is to balance your strength and ability to address some of your own emotional needs with your relationship with your therapist.

How do you feel about this?


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