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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
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I have been seeing a gentleman that is widowed from out of

Resolved Question:

I have been seeing a gentleman that is widowed from out of town(but my hometown) for six months. We began seeing one another after his wife had died one year earlier. They were married happily for forty years. For the past six months we have talked 4-5 times a week and last month took a trip together. The other day he was in a bike ride for raising funds for cancer research. he told me my text helped him with the race. It was sincere, funny, and titilating. We were in the middle of talking and a friend, Bob, approached him and he sid he would call me back later. This was Saturday and today is Monday. I have never heard back from him. I am disappointed and hurt because I truly care for this man. It is out of character for him. I will not call him. My question is what is your opinion in telling him I am surprised he didn't call me back. I don't want to scare him off, but respect is important to me. I am very despondant because I feel he is special.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 6 years ago.
AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer.... Let me see if I can help here...

AgapeDoc :

It is my goal to answer your question and exceed your expectations. If you are satisfied with my efforts, will you click on the green accept button?

AgapeDoc :

OK... I can see you are off line, so I will try and answer your question with what you have posted so far.

AgapeDoc :

I have read your post a couple of times and I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. Being in a position like this brings much confusion and even anxiety. Based on what you have posted, my guess he is a genuine and caring man. Furthermore, based on my experience, it is very, very likely that he has no idea what he is putting you through.

AgapeDoc :

There are a couple of things here....

AgapeDoc :

... At least a couple.....

AgapeDoc :

One, his friend came and interrupted your conversation that was going well and you were enjoying it, but this ended when the friend came along. This is not the end of the world, but it's a "little inconsiderate"

Customer:

My question was not answered. What is your opinion on me telling him I was surprised he didn't call me back as he said he would.?

AgapeDoc :

Of course, these things happen sometimes, so the promise to call made it all OK....

AgapeDoc :

The specific answer to your question is I am in total agreement that you should tell him you are surprised he didn't call you..

AgapeDoc :

I don't think you will scare him off as you mentioned.

AgapeDoc :

My guess is he doesn't know what he has done - but once you explain it to him, he will very likely see your point of view.

AgapeDoc :

How am I doing?

AgapeDoc :

It is advisable to make it clear that respect is important to you.

Customer:

I am a very confident professional woman, but every time I don't hear from him I get insecure. We shared a wonderful trip to CA in August for a med. convention, but he hasn't made plans for the next time even though he says it was wonderful. I feel I am getting continuous mixed messages. If I don't hear from him a few days should I call him?

AgapeDoc :

Yes, if you don't hear from him you definitely should call him...

Customer:

How should I begin the conversation?

AgapeDoc :

Be sincere and direct. It is always good to put him at ease, but don't sugarcoat anything. Specifically, you may want to say, "I'd like to talk about our relationship. How do you think it's going so far?" After the conversation has begun....

AgapeDoc :

.... You can get specific. Ask him if he is pleased, then tell him some things you are pleased with, but then tell him of the needs that you are missing (such as respect).

Customer:

That approach won't scare someone who says they are not ready for marriage yet? He says we are so comfortable with one another since the beginning. Our physical and emotional chemistry is electrifying that's why I'm puzzled he hasn't called.

AgapeDoc :

Ask him if he is able to give you more respect and tell him specific behaviors that you need (such as more consistent phone calls, etc.)

AgapeDoc :

It really shouldn't scare him. Tell him you understand he doesn't want marriage, but short of marriage, you have some very reasonable needs.

Customer:

Thank you! It is very frustrating at times because I know he is so new to this and I have been single for several years.

AgapeDoc :

The key is to be understanding and sincere.

Customer:

Thank you!

AgapeDoc :

Thank you

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