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Thanks for contacting Just Answer. Let me see if I can help....
I have read you post and I am sorry you find yourself in this position. Typically people who suffer from Schizoid Personality Disorder don't exhibit the behaviors you have mentioned (not as primary issues at the very least). The behaviors that you have mentioned make me think of another disorder - Borderline Personality Disorder/\.
It could be that your brother has some comorbidity? This is a situation (and it's not that uncommon) in which a person has more than one diagnosis.
I hope I have helped answer your question - and I wish you all the best.
Hi, i feel you need some more infomation on him
he is introverted withdrawn at times.. wont work or get job..shows no emotion, even told me if his family got wiped out tommorow he would'nt 'go to pieces' ...does'nt have any hobbies or interests, has no close relasionships even with his imediate family...... he hates socializing....thank you for your time
Yes, I think this additional information is important and I think you may be on the right track. My primary response was in reference to he original information I was provided.
Having said that,....... I'm trying to get my mind around this picture. On the one hand I am hearing that he lies and tries to control others and on the other hand I am hearing that he show no emotion and doesn't socialize. If he doesn't socialize and has no close relationships, when does he lie?
Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that this is not the picture you see, it's just hard to understand what this is like. Which...........
..... Leads me to my previous thoughts if you will. In my experience, when I am confronted with a situation such as this (and it does happen more than you would expect) it almost always turns out to be a comorbidity issue. That is to say that you are looking at a situation in which he struggles with more than one issue.
Now... it may not be Borderline Personality Disorder as I mentioned above, but it seems like more than one thing that he is facing.
Now... whatever it is, I would suggest that he sees a licensed clinical psychotherapist or a medical doctor (maybe a psychiatrist) to get the diagnosis. After that you can find lots of information in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV (DSM IV).
Your original question was to find out as much as you could about his diagnosis as possible. But I must be honest, I can not give him a diagnosis in this online format (nobody could of course) - he must get a diagnosis first - then once you know what that is you can learn more about it.
My guess is you want to find out more about this so you can help him. The best way you can help him is to get him to a doctor. If he doesn't want to go, the best you can do is take care of yourself and the loved ones that are involved. This may not be what you want to hear, but please understand that I am telling you this as a professional who is compassionate about families that face tough issues such as this.
Finally, let me please suggest, if he doesn't want to see a psychotherapist then..... you may want to do what some (many actually) of my clients have done in very similar situations....
You see a family therapist to see how you can best deal with this. It's not uncommon at all and it's getting more common all the time.
Here is what many of my clients have done...... they seek out a therapist and ask the therapist to take on the role of a coach - a family coach or relationship coach. This will help you learn more about what is going on as well as teach you strategies to deal with the situation.
I hope I have helped and my presumptions were fairly accurate. Of course, can not say definitively, but I have kind of been down a few similar roads and thought I would give it a shot.
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I hope I have been helpful. If you have more questions or want to discuss further please just respond here. However, if are satisfied with my efforts, please don't forget to click on the green accept button so I can get credit for my efforts. Thanks.
Hi, you are being very helpfull, I will explain our position in this more fully now. My brother and i are English. He moved to Portugal 15 years ago with his wife and 2 young boys.
My husband and i moved out here (next door !) feb 2010. There marriage has been very problematic since she had an affair 10 years ago, she says the reason being, she got no love or affection from Nigel. He can't forgive her, but they went on to have 2 more children, which he struggles with greatly. My sister in law has been leaning on me for support telling me about his behaviour (My husband and i see it daily with our own eye's) we have both told her she does'nt have to put up with his behaviour.
Now this is where the lieing comes in, it is to us. There is an issue with the houses. there are 2 which are in 1 address. If they sell thers this goes with it. We came here and brought this house on good faith. No legelaties. I am trying to cut a long story short.
2 months ago she asked Nigel to" go to the doctors" he flatley refused. Me and my husband both heard her say to him she will not have anything to do with him unless he has a complete personality change. Nothing.....his responce is to do nothing about anything and has said to her "if we split up i will just sell the house". There is no morgage on either house.
He has a massive problem with bowing down to "people"
Fortunatley he can't sell the house, Portuguese law is very complicated.
He is now in England with my mum and dad, frabricating a picture.... More lying.
He is INCREDIBLY good at putting over his side of how it is, but it is totally in his head.
He is already controlling them.
He went to England to "punish" his wife," She thinks she dont need me, well i will show her" he has told my mum he is waiting for her to "crack". She really does'nt need him she does it all on her own all the time. How can you need someone who does NOTHING, where is his logic?
Nigel has got away with controlling his wife Emma through one more way, they both to turned to christianity, she is devout.
They went through the christian wife senario where the husband is the head of the house and the wife obeys him. All very well if you are loving and careing and you do not have a personality disoder. To my mind he has abused the situation. Anything can set him off. The children, money she looks at him the wrong way, he then puts his headphones on and refuses to talk to anyone for days and weeks, he told me it is his coping mecanism. He has recently told me he will never do this again, but locked himself in his room for 24 hours the day before he went to England.
he very convincingly told me it was Emma who mentioned selling the house, which is ludricuse. The house is paid for she has 4 kids all living at home, she has no need.
He went to England to get a responce but it has backfired. He was going to get job and start a new life,( again all in his head)
He is now coming back here. My mum cant tell me when, he wants to just 'appear' (more controlling)
The thought of him being here and carying on as normal is not a comforting thought to any of us. Oh and he also refused my offer to pick him up from the airport. We need help but cannot do anything with him, i have spent hours talking to him and i think "my god i think he's got it" When he talks he sounds very convincing and you think yeah yeah yeah, but then you realise no no no, am i making any sence. It seems like he is very clever, thats why anyone on the outside has'nt a hope in hell.
I have never heard of this disorder but did read online from a therapist, that they would rather deal with ten depressed people than one who has personality disorder and now i can see why. Thankyou so much for your time
Hi, read something else i read on schizoid personality disorder on having an emotionaly detatched parent, which does relate to my brother. My mum suffered with post natal deppression with the birth of all her 4 children. I am the eldest at 53, my brother 3 years younger than me. My mum suffered the most with my brother and went into hospital when he was 6 weeks old and had electric shock treatment. He was looked after by my aunt for a while. she has struggled to show emotion bless her, but personally i feel my dad did a great job on filling that hole for me. deppression does run in our family.
I hope this helps you a bit more on giving a clearer picture for him, and i understand totaly on you not being able to give a deffinate diagnosis. I am so gratefull for this opportunity to talk to you. thankyou thankyou thankyou
Not sure if i mentioned that he has spoke of taking his own life very cold and calmley, and is already thinking of the method he would use, as can't find it in email's so i am mentioning it again.
Yes, this is a clearer picture and many things jump out at me. For instance, you mentioned that psychotherapist would rather deal with 10 depressed clients than one with a personality disorder - this is so true.
He is manipulating, manipulating, manipulating!!! You have asserted this, but I suspect that you won't ever realize how much until you are even further removed from the direct situation!
As you said, he has refused to see a doctor. You can not make him.... accept if he threatens to hurt himself of others (at least in the U. S.) and I imagine that many countries have similar laws. You can find out what the rules are in Portugal in terms of folks who make threats to do physical harm to themselves or others.
If the laws are similar, you can can call the authorities to protect him if he threatens suicide.
Otherwise, there is almost nothing you can do to make him go to the doctor. So.....
... As I mentioned, many of my clients in this position have enlisted the help of a therapist for themselves. The get the therapist to take on the role of a relationship coach to "teach" them how to deal with the situation. Many report that they feel remarkably better. They get a clearer picture of the "personality disorder" their loved one has, get strategies for dealing with it, and finally understand that "they" are NOT crazy.... they are only dealing with a dysfunctional situation.
So, I would say that he definitely has a personality disorder and you are commended for "keeping your sanity". If he won't go to the doctor to get a definitive diagnosis, it would behoove you and your family to seek a relationship coach (therapist that I mentioned above) to help you deal with it and also give you strategies on how to deal with his lies to mum and others.
If you want to continue, we can. Not sure if I have more to offer, but if you have more questions, I'll do my best. In any event, I do feel your pain as I have experience with similar situations. So we can continue, or you can click on the green accept button. Either way, I wish you peace :)
Thankyou so much, i now feel so much better for knowing and can now understand my brother better, it's a bit scarey though thinking of his future. Thankyou so much for your help and advice and i wish you a fantastic life x