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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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My son is 27 yeas old. He has following behavioral problems.

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My son is 27 yeas old. He has following behavioral problems. I am stayng here in Ruwais with my wife and my this son. My daughter is married and is with her husband in Botswana.
1. He has habit of talking to his girl friend / fiance for long hours. He continues to talk any time of the day or night. He is uncontrollable and gets irritated if asked to stop.
2. Habit of telling lies
3. Habit of stealing the money and spending with out any obvious need.
4. Whenever he gets chance he does not hesitate to spend Aed 5000 / 10000 with few days / week. He never tells, where he is spending money
5. He is working with a contracting company in Ruwais.
6. Since last few moths, he does not come out of his room, always busy with his laptop or mobile phone. He is always talking to his fiance.
7. Myself and my wife get angry with him and threaten him to drive him out of our house but no effect.
1. What we should do
2. How
3. How long it will take to cure?
Chandulal S Vithlani
00 971 50(###) ###-####

Hello and thanks for asking JA. It sounds like your son may suffer from bi-polar depression. He has some of the symptoms for mania such as overspending talking too much, irritation uncontrollable behavior. I wonder if he spends more than 5 nights without sleep


Bipolar Symptoms

The primary symptoms of bipolar disorder are dramatic and unpredictable mood swings.

Mania Symptoms

Mania symptoms may include excessive happiness, excitement, irritability, restlessness, increased energy, less need for sleep, racing thoughts, high sex drive, and a tendency to make grand and unattainable plans.

Depression Symptoms

Depression symptoms may include sadness, anxiety, irritability, loss of energy, uncontrollable crying, change in appetite causing weight loss or gain, increased need for sleep, difficulty making decisions, and thoughts of death or suicide.

If your son has bi-polar he will need to see a psychiatrist and get medication and a therapist to receive therapy. How long does the treatment last will depend on the person's response to treatment if the medication works and how they respond to therapy. I would point out the symptoms that you see and how worry you are that he does not come out of his room in a month. Usually after 6 weeks of therapy and medication I see some inprovement in clients. Do you think your son is using drugs?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I do not think he is using drugs.
I wold like to add that he was a very poor student and a slow learner.
Previous he used to call his girl friend like this with repeated and late night calls. But he did not isolate himself. This behavior of isolating him self is since last three to four months.

I wonder if something happened in the last 3-4 months. Did his girlfriend brake up with him? Was there the death of a friend or relative? Any changes in his life that you can think? Is there a history of depression in your family? How was your son's mood when he was a child? People with learning disabilities like your son are more likely to develop depression. Has he talked about suicidal thoughts?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He has told earlier for suicidal thoughts due to low self image.
I should correct my self. It is not last 3/4 months but since May end this year. We informally finalized an would be marriage proposal with a girl in India. ( sort of arranged marriage). We had gone for vacation from UAE to our home country India in May.
He has very compulsive behavior of doing something on and on. Previously he used to spend long hours with his friends . He has habit of spending beyond normal needs.
He does not easily differentiate between who / what is good for him and who / what is bad for him. His friends try to take advantage of his spending habits.

Thanks for clarifying his behaviors for me. I think your son has depression what we call bi-polar II depression. It is a very treatable disorder. It is a mental health disorder and stress can trigger the depressive and hyponamic episodes. Here is what hypomanic episodes look like

A distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least 4 days, that is clearly different from the usual nondepressed mood.

B. During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree:

  1. inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
  2. decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
  3. more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
  4. flight of ideas, or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
  5. distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli)
  6. increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation
  7. excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

Bipolar goes from periods of hypomania to symptoms of depression after the hypomania the person gets depressed.

symptoms of depression may include the following:

  • difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
  • fatigue and decreased energy
  • feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
  • feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
  • insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
  • irritability, restlessness
  • loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
  • overeating or appetite loss
  • persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
  • persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
  • thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I think your son needs to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. I would bring up with him that I love him and that I have been worried about his stress level and depression lately. See if he agrees to see a therapist. I think a therapist will help him. When people are in the hypomanic state of bi-polar they do overspend. Do you think your son is worried about his upcoming marriage?

Do you see those symptoms when you think about your son's behavior?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He has habit of biting his nails continuously.
He does not eat very well at least in the house. He likes to eat out side food.
He is becoming more and more stubborn and does not listen to us. He does what he likes to do - talking on phone, chatting in computer, or just be in front of computer, and be in his room.
It is possible that he might be feeling insecure whether the girl will refuse for marriage but it is not very obvious.
He spends long time (one to one and half hour in bath room and we hear that he is talking) in the bath room.
He gets irritated if we ask him to stop talking on phone or come out of the room.

Thanks for letting me know. The biting his nails is a symptom of anxiety. I understand your frustration with your son but I am not sure you can do anything to convince him to change his behavior. All this behaviors may also mean that he is in love with this woman and very consumed by this relationship. All you can do is be there for him and I think he will come out of this eventually if this is not real depression. Love relationships sometimes can cause a lot of emotion and cause some anxiety and depression. If the depression is not biological and he does not have suicidal thoughts he may come out of this on his own. Keep inviting him to join you for activities and tell him you will be there if he wants to talk. It would be nice for him to see a therapist that can help him with those feelings. If you are happy with the answer please accept so I can get paid.

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