Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I have been a positive and very cheerful person and my

husband is very negative. We...
I have been a positive and very cheerful person and my husband is very negative. We have been married for 32 years and it is either getting worse or it is wearing me down. I don't know if I'm depressed or if he is. Maybe both. He talks bad about almost everyone, I used to feel lucky that he even liked me, but now I feel like he doesn't or just puts up with me. He seems to get frustrated with everything I do and it's never right. He makes me feel like I don't do anything right and he thinks he's always right. He will compliment me in front of friends to look like the honorable husband, but makes fun of me with our kids almost like he wants to seem better than me. No one would ever think he is ornery at home because he has a constant joking personality in public unless he doesn't know them. I don't want competition, which is how he was raised, I just want respect. I'm so discouraged now I want to leave. He doesn't like to talk much. My back problems have made it so I can't do as much physical activities as him but I can do some. He complains that I'm not the person he married. He's really nice when he wants sex and it's usually the more extreme the better, but then won't talk to me for days. We did go to marriage counseling for a while and it helped but now it's mostly forgotten and I don't want to be accused of being the uncaring wife all over again. What is going on here? I'm so confused. We are 52 and 53 and our last child of 5, is leaving home in 6 weeks. That is killing him. He's having a hard time with this aging process. I have a hard time babying him through all of this because that's what his mom has always done and still does at 84, and he makes fun of her and is very impatient and unfeeling of her. I can see why people leave their marriage when their children are raised but it would still hurt them so much. His example has already rubbed off on some of them in different ways. I don't want them to treat their wives this way. Am I over sensitive and just need to appreciate the good things he does. Please give me any advice or thoughts you have on my situation that might guide me to some kind of peace. Thank you so much.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 25 minutes by:
8/1/2011
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Verified

I read your question carefully. No, I do not think that you are being emotionally oversensitive. Rather, I see that your husband has much unfinished business in his life, especially concerning women.

He is angry, possibly not even all that conscious of it...and it is being projected and displaced onto you. His frustration about his life, his aging process and his future have made their way into your life as bitterness and emotional abuse.

Yes, he is emotionally abusive, as this type of behavior is not rooted simply in depression, frustration or difficulty. This is a long standing pattern in his life than probably began long ago with his own family. And, based on how he is with his mother, probably starting there. He strikes me as someone who was controlled, and that as a result his life was filled with feelings of vulnerability and being out of control.

Now, as an adult, he is truly out of touch with himself, is operating in a self centered manner, and is self destructive toward your relationship,

There is hope, but it will begin with you, understanding your role in all of this as he is using you to push out his feelings and you are being victimized. To help: I would like you to consider obtaining a resource: It is: The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Engel

This book will give you insight into what is happening with you and your husband as well as ways for you to minimize his destructive behavior. It will also give you ways to talk with him about the abuse and to encourage him to reconsider his behavior.

I also would, if you can, encourage you to see a professional for support as you are the victim in all of this. True, he needs to change and right now he is in denial. But, you too need support and unbiased attention and a caring professional would be very helpful to you. Steven

Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Verified
Steven Olsen and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Steven Olsen Your Own Question
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,765
1,765 Satisfied Customers
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Steven Olsen is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

3,984 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,765 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
My husband call me a, he did it today. I told him under no
My husband call me a bitch, he did it today. I told him under no circumstances do you have the right to call a woman a bitch. He also tells me that I am miserable. Everytime he starts a fight. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet the criteria. Her alters are dead people. Mostly characters from Movies or Musicals like Phantom of the Opera. Would this behavior be a sympto… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did wrong things? I would think when people know they did wrong things they should feel sorry and try to correct. Thanks.… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, I did what you suggested about my dad.
Dear Dr. Keane,I did what you suggested about my dad. Actually, I spoke to my mum too and she's right, it just is not his kind of thing, to get support. You were right, when I initially brought up the… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with autism, from the perspective of an autistic child, but it turned out to be 64 pages long and just a little too grown up -- even though it menti… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife after all. Now he says I am sticking my nose into his business. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being dominant. Domestic discipline and domination. SometiMrs she makes me wear panties. I find embarrassing but arousing too. The whole mentalk … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
I had lung surgery 2 months ago. Why did I feel this was one
I had lung surgery 2 months ago. Why did I feel this was one of the best days of my life. This is not normal. And I am not saying this because it saved my life, but because of the treatment and everyt… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
I wanted to know how can I distinguish did my gf leave
I wanted to know how can I distinguish did my gf leave because of suspected "psychosis" or she just doesn't wanna be with me I haven't heard anything from her since November 17th this is out of charac… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
9,633 satisfied customers
Have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other
have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other day in therapy and embarrassed self. now terrified to face therapist again. any ideas how to calm anxiety and face therapist?… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
3,984 satisfied customers
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the past. It all triggered when I saw a kid that used to live on my street. I'm 18 now. At the time of incident I was about 11/12 and the kid was… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I have and how pure O can sometimes be misdiagnosed as pedophila! Well I read a comment where one person says even if they've had these thoughts … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x