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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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Ive been married for two years i am 39 and my husband is 44.

Resolved Question:

ive been married for two years i am 39 and my husband is 44. I accidently found a you tube porn site under history on our computer and he admitted it was his that he visited only once. I am so hurt like he really cheated how can I get over this. To make mattes worse he is not very affectionate by nature. Only time we kiss or make out is with sex and I have told him over and over about my needs and why and nothing changes. I am hurt and insecure and not able to let this go because of this. Bt I want to forget it and get over it.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 6 years ago.
Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this problem and how it is effecting you.

Bill :

Internet porn addiction and issues such as you describe are ever increasing.

Bill :

If your husband was watching porn, it is probably a way that he is able to gain some emotional control and security with his sexual insecurity. What happens is it becomes reinforcing and even there is neuro-chemical stimulation that makes the behavior more likely to repeat.

Bill :

This is a very common issue in relationships these days.

Bill :

To me, it sounds as though there have been problems in your relationship for some time around the issue of intimacy and you are taking this as an insult to his desire for you. That may be true however, if you don't try and encourage him to get some help with you. it is likely that things will worsen.

Bill :

I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor as soon as possible to start sorting this and other issues out as it seems in what you have written that you are disconnected.

Bill :

I will give you some helpful information that you can read about the internet and and cheating.

Bill :

These articles are very helpful to many of my patients. I trust they will for you.

Bill :

Should you wish to seek counseling , as recommended, you can locate qualified therapist by zip code at the following web page:

Bill :

I trust that this will help get you started. It is a process.

Bill :

Should you have follow up questions, feel free to respond,

Bill :

Otherwise, I wish you the very best.

Bill :

Bill

Bill :

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