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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
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I am still struggling to get over anger from a divorce 4

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I am still struggling to get over anger from a divorce 4 years ago. Everytime I start feeling good about myself an occasion arrises that I have to see her. I Fall back into depression and anger. Can you help
Dr.Kappler :

There are two schools of thought on this. One is to avoid seeing her at all cost and the second is to put up her picture and look at it every day.

Customer:

I cannot stop seeing her completely, as we share custody of three children

Customer:

Looking at her everyday? I suppose that would work in a way

Dr.Kappler :

I know they sound difficult but both work. Looking at her picture forces you to process some of the feelings that have haunted you

Customer:

I see your point but we have this issue of allimony and child support, and continuous criticism and reminders that it is my legal duty. I am one of the most concientous man when it comes to this, but feel I was wronged considerably. I have struggled for years to pay this, and other debts from the marriage that I inherited while trying to support myself and often offering shelter to my two boys as she will not do that either. I thought I had got over these demons. I saw her this evening for the first time in many months, and I was expecting a good converstation about our children. Before it was over she was insulting me about my ability to remember and pay my legally required fees

Dr.Kappler :

I said look at her picture but if she is at all insulting to you you need to break off the conversation. Setting limits means that you pay your responsibilities but do not subject yourself to more humiliation.

Customer:

ok. I am sick of being humiliated, especially by someone who you were married too for 22 years, where she showed me almost exclusively respect and dignity. She is raising my daughter, who has grown om 11 to 15 who I see a few times a year. I choose to leave the buffalo market to make more money to pay off all the financial issues. Being a contractor has kept me on the road. When I come back to town, I get frustrated over her criticisms, her attitude about what a good job she is doing raising "her daughter", and a completely

Customer:

selfish concern for her money and her need for nothing else from me what so ever. I will stop writing now so you can finish this job and move on. Just one more upbeat comment to help me recover from tonights meeting will do

Dr.Kappler :

You need to be able to communicate with your daughter more. Using windows messenger or Skype and if necessary get the court to allow a change in custody so that you can talk to your daughter more often. As to your ex-wife's putting you down there is little you can do but make sure your daughter knows that you have been a responsible father.

Customer:

ok. I do have joint custody I just ended up with an excellent job out of town, and it is next to impossible to find anything even remotely comparable in my hometown. I will work to communicate as much as possible and avoid my exwife as much as I can. Thanks for your advice.

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