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Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
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My son is 43 and has been using Meth for abt 16yrs he's

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My son is 43 and has been using Meth for abt 16yrs he's recently told us 2 yrs ago. Through intervention I got him into (the police took him into) 72hr hold & kept him in Mental Health Lock up for another 10 days and then he went into Tarzana Trtmnt Cntr for 20 more days, got out & seemed to do better for abt. 100days. He hates being tired when he quits but he's so delusional, obsessive-compulsive, REALLY ANGRY and does not FORGIVE and move on w/ anyone. He blames xwife and can be quite dangerous w/ guns etc. He rang and asked for 5K and we transferred it into his account but I'd have rather transferred it into a rehab program but he won't go again. I don't kno how to let him hit bottom except to cut all communication and not answer his calls but this seems so harsh. His father lives in NY and I in Australia. Do we just stop listening and try to let him fall? I'm worried we're just enabling him further. We've really tried everything research has shown us except "no contact". Is there an Angel we can hire and send to him? We love him and know what a great guy he is, but he's the devil when he's using. Any help is greatly appreciated. I've been seeing a therapist myself to also help me through this to try and reach and I've tried all but the "no contact". Thanking you in advance. Deborah
Hello Deborah, my name is ***** ***** you for bringing your concerns to Just Answer...with regards ***** ***** presiding symptoms and meth addiction ...This is a very' difficult road to be going down for you and 'all' concerned and I feel for you much' by way of decisions that will need to be made....... definitely not easy by any means..
There is a fine line between supporting a loved one ( or someone you care about) and enabling them. The decision that you made previously ( when you helped your son try to get his life sorted via rehab treatment centers/professional help), to me, is also a prime example of tough love.
Although it is impossibly difficult, if you continue to give him money to /meet his un-met needs/or expectations, you are actually furthering his addiction, co-signing his behavior, and, in a very real sense, helping this 'self defeating' lifestyle to continue.

You have already done as much as any loving and caring mother could possibly do for her son... And, it has been my experience, ( through my own past client base) that he will only get the help that he so desperately needs, when he has hit rock bottom, and the pain becomes great enough to lead him to making these much needed changes in his life.
When the pain of enabling him and the toll that it is taking on you/him and your family becomes greater than whatever benefits he is receiving from your enabling relationship: be it "love", "stability" finances etc., then for your own sanity and self respect I can only say that you must make the changes necessary. Until then, your financial support/and meeting his needs not only encourages these behaviors in him. but!! indeed helps them to continue...and will only succeed in corroding further any mutual respect once had in your relationship.
The biggest concern from your email is that of your own wellbeing and those around you and what toll this is indubitably taking on that. I think your decision inevitably ( to step out of his life ) would be an example ( for many mums/parents ) of not only tough love, but also of unconditional love for your son ..( by not helping him, being there to met his needs) this would create an even greater neediness for him to not only seek ( but!! stay with ) the professional help he really needs for a full and healthy self sustaining life...and recovery..
Sadly there is no easy way of doing this...but! for him to 'bite the bullet himself'..and takes responsibility for his own life and actions within that..
I truly do pray that your son ( way down deep inside ) will wish this too for 'himself'.

Please do take very good care of 'self' also during this very difficult time...My thoughts will be with you in this and please 'accept' my response if it has proved helpful to you as it also contributes much by way of also keeping this very valuable service going for you and others alike in the future..
Kind thoughts
Karyn J (ProfClinicalDipCounBmin)
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