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Dr. K
Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience:  15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.
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My husband quit having sex with me. He said I was too loose,

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My husband quit having sex with me. He said I was too loose, he usually goes soft while we're having sex. He was so mean to me about the it, I finally quit initiating sex and he never does. I'm 50 and he's 52, what do you suggest?  I've had 2 children and I don't work out, I'm aware of Kegels, I thought about those balls?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. K replied 6 years ago.
I would definitely practice Kegel exercises. Also, I would pick up some books on female sexuality and learn from those. You want to learn to maximize your sexual, even seductive, potential.
In addition, the best sexual relationships stem from healthy emotional relationships. So take a step back and examine your relationship with your husband. See if there's room for improvement. Try to improve communication. You may want to consider a sex therapist or even a marital counselor (if he's open to the idea...some people will get offended by even suggesting it in which case I would only do so as a last resort).
Similarly, I agree that just suggesting Viagra will probably insult him. I don't have much knowledge or experience with the balls you mention, but they are worth researching more & trying them as long as they are safe.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

We've been together for almost 30 years and I've never been unfaithful, but since he has rejected me, I'm thinking about going outside the marriage. I don't want to, but I long for the touch and comfort of a mans arms around me. I've tried wearing seductive clothing and lingerie, but he doesn't seem to notice. He finds my touch irritating???? He's always been a little bit that way, but it seems to be getting worse. I don't think he's having an affair, he works hard every day in a family business, so there is little time for that. I think he watches some porn on the internet. I will try getting some books, do you have any specific suggestions?

Thanks

Expert:  Dr. K replied 6 years ago.
I would resist the urge to go outside the marriage as much as possible...that's definitely a step in the wrong direction.
Have you tried talking to him? Besides his complaint of being too loose, does he have other issues? How is the relationship other than the sexual problems?
I honestly don't know if this book is any good:
http://www.thevaginabible.com/?hop=woodwork4
I haven't read this one either, but it has at least some good reviews:
http://www.amazon.com/Rekindling-Desire-Program-Low-Sex-Marriages/dp/0415935512/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311050924&sr=1-3
Check your local library too.
Perhaps start with these links 1st before spending extra money:
http://kegel-exercises.com/ kegels_for_women.html
http://www.netplaces.com/great-sex/a-womans-body/classic-kegel-exercises.htm
http://www.netplaces.com/tantric-sex/sex-ercises/kegel-exercises.htm
______________________________________________________________________
Please let me know if you need more information. We can continue the dialog until you are satisfied. Once you are happy with the answers don't forget to hit the ACCEPT button & provide expert feedback. Also remember that this is not an official doctor patient relationship and not a substitute for a full live psychiatric evaluation. Thank you for using justanswers.com