What advice to a husband whose wife continually chisels at his self-esteem by name-calling--such as you stupid old?

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your wife has anger issues as well as self esteem issues. When someone needs to make another person feel bad about themselves, it usually means they want to feel superior to that person by belittling them in some way.

What your wife is doing is a form of abuse called verbal abuse. She is also teaching your children that it is ok to abuse someone. By doing this, she is taking away any authority you have with your children and putting you in a lower status.

As with any abusive relationship when all the options have been exhausted, the best option is to consider a separation. There is no way to change her behavior unless she wants to change it and since you have tried suggesting counseling and tried talking with her, there is little else you can do. So taking action to protect yourself is the best way to deal with the situation.

Before you consider a separation, you may want to attend counseling yourself. You need support and the guidance of a counselor to help you decide how to handle your marriage. To find a therapist, contact your doctor for a referral. Or, if you attend church, you can speak with your pastor. You can also search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

Also, you may want to try some resources to help you figure out your options. Here are some to get you started:

Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage by Lee Raffel

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond by ***** *****

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate