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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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I am in a place of despair; the man I love and have been seeing

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I am in a place of despair; the man I love and have been seeing for almost 3.5 years this year has slowly been pulling away and minimized conversations to subjects of Weather, work, his animals my animals and sometimes things that are on the news. I have on a few occasions expressed to him my concern which seems to make him pull away more.

6 weeks ago, for no obvious reason, he sent me an email to say that he is busy at work and needs time out and he would contact me in Mid July. My concern is he has been this busy and even busier and still made time for a quick call, email or text to keep things spiced. Also the fact that he dismissed me in an email and not a phone call.

We started chatting again this week and catching up next week for a coffee and to talk about things however he says there is nothing to talk about. When he sent me the email dismissing me, I pointed out the timing was crap as I had just had news the day before that a close friend of mine was killed in an accident but apart from saying sorry to hear that, he didn't seem to care.

I love this man so deeply but I question is his behavior in your opinion being manipulative and how do I approach him in a manner that he will open up with what is really bothering him.

I have been so up and down the last 6 weeks, grieving for not one but seems like 2 special people in my life. Last couple of days I have for no reason sent him just 1special message text so that I am not bothering him, but when he replies it is so cold in his reply. The confusing part here is that he says he still loves me and misses me, but based on his actions, are these only words?
Good morning and thank you for the opportunity to help in answering your question. First please allow me to say that I am sincerely XXXXX XXXXX hear of the pain that you're experiencing. Based on the information you've provided it honestly sounds as though your boyfriend is working towards ending the relationship but also sounds as though he's stringing you along which is truly wrong of him given his awareness of how you feel for him. My suggestion for you would be to be gently confronting with him. I really believe that its very important for you to voice your concerns to him and to clearly identify your needs.

There is a possibility that this may push him away more but the truth of the matter is that he's treating you with disrespect and isn't considering your needs or emotions when he engages in this aloof, almost dismissing manner. You sound to be a kind and thoughtful woman and deserve to be treated respectfully XXXXX XXXXX

Forgive my bluntness but the man wasn't even there for you when you lost your close friend which is indicative of him not caring enough to even offer to come be with you in your time of need.

I've read through your question and his behaviors a few times to be as certain as I can when drawing conclusions of his behavior and it really feels like he is stringing you along at this point.

I would also suggest that you consider seeing a therapist to help you process this further as well as to have a supportive person in place for you.

I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX I've been helpful in answering your question and that you found my suggestions to be of benefit. Again, please accept my apologies if I was too blunt...I just felt it important for you to have an appreciation of his behavior and how he's presenting.

Please let me know if you have any further questions as I want to ensure your question is completely and thoroughly answered.

If you feel I've answered your question to your satisfaction I would sincerely XXXXX XXXXX clicking the ACCEPT button thereby giving me credit for the answer. I hope this finds you well and look forward to your response.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Do you think based on his behaviour that this is worth trying to save, or should I just cut my losses and accept he not longer wants to be with me. I am just so confused right now as to whether I feel like this because i am still grieving or if it is me just saying I've had enough.

I love him so much but do also realise and accept that sometimes "love is not enough".
Thank you for your reply. I would suggest that you try and get him to acknowledge that he's no longer interested. I say this not to add more hurt to you of course but this way it will offer you some closure regarding the relationship. If he skirts around the issue when confronted or tries to double talk his way through that will also reinforce the fact that it's time for you to move on with your life and find someone who deserves you.

I hope that helps to completely answer your question and please feel free to ask anything further. If you feel I've answered your question to your satisfaction then I'd appreciate your clicking the ACCEPT button but please ask any further questions first. Thank you.
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