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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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My wife is a verbal abuser, always seeing herself as the victim,

Customer Question

My wife is a verbal abuser, always seeing herself as the victim, distorting, in her mind,
even the most benevolent interactions, into unrealistic scenarios in which she has been
wronged, in one way or another, and then retaliating by outbursts of screaming sessions against me and my mom, in particular, but against us and her her family, in general.
We have all tried to reason with her, my family and hers, but to no avail.
This has been her way for most of the four years since I met her, but has become particularly bad this last year with 2-3 explosions weekly,till I finally had enough and struck back with my own word or two on how blind and ignorant she was to not see that she, not me or her family, is the problem and that she is driving us away!

Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.

I'm sorry to hear you.

Let me ask you a question first.

Does she have anger problems, depression or anxiety?

Is she able to function daily in terms of housework and/or her job?

Is there a specific question I can assist you with?

Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
You are not charged until you receive a satisfying answer.

Please also allow one hour for me to get back to you.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Definitely has an anger problem, never takes the time to analyze the situation, but just flys of the handle into a screaming outburst, always claiming that it is we who are treating her wrongly.

She is not depressed and can go about her daily activities and job with no difficulty.

As an example; if I tell her that I'm planning a trip for us to a place that I think she will enjoy, and upon seeing pictures of it on the web, she agrees and is excited about going there until I say that I'd been wanting to go there for years, and then her attitude turns hostile and she starts to get irritated and the screaming begins with her claiming that I only want to go there because I've been wanting to see it for a while not because for us to spend time together! IS THAT RATIONAL BEHAVIOUR?



How can I and her family reason with her? Clinically, is there a term for this type of


Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hi there,
It sounds like your wife has an anger issue, a mild impulse control issue and a possible emotional issue from past relationships.
I also wonder if she has narcissistic personality features. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Specific features of NPD are: discomfort when not the center of attention; rapidly shifting or shallow emotions; excessively impressionistic speech that is lacking in detail; exaggerated expression of emotion; easily influenced by others, Expecting constant praise and admiration; Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings; Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans; Taking advantage of others; Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior; Being jealous of others; Believing that others are jealous of you; Being easily hurt and rejected; Having a fragile self-esteem; Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional.

Do you think she has some or most of the features?

Treatment for NPD is centered around psychotherapy. There are no medications used to treat NPD. However, if you have symptoms of depression, anxiety or other conditions, medications such as antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications may be helpful. She may benefit from having Cognitive-Behavior therapy (CBT).

Also, the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin, Lidija Rangelovska" may be helpful for you to understand NPD.

Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards, XXXXX remember to click the ACCEPT if you are satisfied with my answer. Thank you!
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
ABSOLUTELY! Should I share this information with her? Is is condition genetic, environmental or both? Anything in her childhood that may have set her on this road?
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hi there,
Thanks for your response.
It could be all - genetic and environmental.
I will be back with my detailed response.

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