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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5824
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I was married to my first husband for 17 years and we

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i was married to my first husband for 17 years and we divorced.
i remarried and had a child and divorced my second husband.
my first husband wants to remarry and raise my daughter. I was reluctant but agreed and went to the courthouse with him and then chickened out.
i still have the papers and havent turned them in to the register of deeds. i told my first husband im having "buyers remorse" and i'm scared and want to go to counseling and date first.
He thinks this is silly. we should either marry or not marry but we are past the dating phase.
He ended our first marriage and says it was his biggest mistake and wants to put it all back together.
should i marry him?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

Whenever you go to do something significant in your life and you have reservations about it, then you are trying to tell yourself something. Remarrying your ex sounds great on the surface, but if you feel hesitant about it, then you have reasons to not go ahead with it.

One concern that stands out to you and me is why your ex is unwilling to take time and date for a while. What is the rush? If you have been divorced long enough that you married again, had a child then divorced, then you have been apart for a while. Dating for a short period would not hurt anything. It may also help you determine if this is a good move, which is something your ex is seemingly not concerned about. That is something to consider.

Also, did the issues that broke you up in the first place ever get resolved? If you still have have not resolved them, then they could resurface after you marry. You may end up in the same position you were in before.

Your requests to date first and to go to counseling are very reasonable. You do not want to make the same mistakes again so you want to take steps to ensure you are making a good decision. That is very wise. If your ex is insistent on hurrying into the re marriage, you may want to back off and see what he does. If he is still insisting, then you may want to consider this a bad decision.

I hope this has helped you,

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