Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.
First, let me say I can imagine how frustrating and distressing this situation must be for you. I have to say that I sense you are very close to the end of your rope. Is he addicted to strip clubs?
It sounds from what you have written that he is not. It sounds more that he is comfortable with relationships that are casual and shallow. Marriage requires a deeper emotional commitment, not just being charming and entertaining. Marriage means giving emotionally to the other person and that seems to not be his strength. So strip clubs are a way for him to have those shallower relationships that are based on entertainment and money.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. I am concerned for your marriage that the two of you are going through this destructive dance. You must be using all your self control to just not blow up. And I sense you want me to help you find some way to try to make it still work. So, we have to make one good faith effort to see if the ship can be righted. Okay?
Therefore, I want you to print out my answer and take it and him to a Starbucks or other quiet place and discuss it and commit to the program to try to make your marriage a success. You're going to start with a book. You'll get 2 copies, one for each of you. Each night you're both going to read a few pages or a chapter and do the exercise there if there is one in those pages. Every other night, or at most, every third night sometimes, you will get together, either at home or at the Starbucks and talk about what you read. What you think of it, what it inspired in you. Make notes in the margins. And each one talk about the subject of the pages and what you think. That's your assignment and dates.
The book: It's by the foremost researcher into relationships in our day, John Gottman. He's famous for being interviewed on TV and being able to tell when a couple will get divorced within 5 minutes and having 90% accuracy. I've studied his therapy and use his therapy in my practice and that's why I'm concerned that you two do this. So the book is the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. You can get it cheaply online or see if you can get it locally to save time.
If this gets you two to first base but not all the way a home run, then consider some specific types of therapy that will help: the two of you MUST work on how emotional connections are made and maintained. The two of you together need help in learning how to make your marriage more emotionally intimate and positive. There are two types of therapies I recommend strongly for you two to consider.
One type of therapy is called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Why? Because it focuses on how there have been created emotional barriers and how to get through those barriers. Please consider it before you take other action.
Here is the web address for their therapist finder:
On the website you'll also find excellent books by the founders, Sue Johnson and Leslie Greenberg.
The other therapy is Gottman therapy. Yes, the same Gottman as the book above. Seek a therapist who is certified by the Gottman Institute. Here's their web address for finding a therapist:
Why? Because his couples therapy model is the most straightforward model available and you may need that because there isn't much time to see if he will move closer. I hope that therapists working in these types of couples therapies are listed for your area.
Okay, so that is a program to try to save your marriage.
I wish you the very best in this and in the future!
Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, ***** *****