I do need to clarify that this rage was not a result of a fight, just by an external trigger. It happens sporadically and then I feel so guilty so I try to show that I care and then I get mad. About 6 times per year. The catalyst this time is that after 13 years off, I have decided to return to work 3 days a week. We all think that should be manageable especially since my husband works shift work and I am working my three days around his schedule. It's not working. I really want to have something to call my own and am determined to make it work but am exhausted on the weekend from all the catch-up. Which brings me to my trigger. Since we got together, the relationship was on his terms. That's ok. I knew this and he was a great guy. WHen he proposed to me, after 6 years if datubg, I found out that he spoke with his parents and sister and not my parents. It was like he was asking permission. Have problems with that. I was 32 when we got married and really wanted kids asap. He pushed off until we got the house and then held off because I didn't want to baptize the kids catholic (his family is Polish Catholic). I am living is a city I abhore because of he choses to stay. Before we got married, we talked about taking a working year abroad. He danced around this one because of shear laziness (he will tell you this) and finally when he came around to making the decision, he did it without me. He just came home one night and said he put in for a year leave of absense. Now yes, I wanted this, but last time I raised the question he just ignored me. Shouldn't couples sit down and discuss stuff like this before one partner puts in for a year leave of absence?? I'm beyond grizzed at this time. Now I also had no say where we were to go on our year off. It was up to him. As it happened the year away was wonderful but he keeps saying, "I told you so!". We have two wonderful kids and he's the best dad and tries to be a wonderful husband. In fact, I am the prick in the relationship but as the last marriage counsellor said, I was a prickly porcupine cowering in the corner. I take that as a defensive creature who is using her quills for defence. Mike just took is as I was a prickly bitch. I have tried everything, living like roommates (which we are) and not expecting anything, I have tried to play his game of not speaking and just existing with each other. I have read the book, "The Dance of Anger" and tried all their strategies. At the end of the day, I am married to a guy who was raised to be King and married someone who is is exact opposite. It has been 16 years of a lonely marriage. I remember when my daughter was born, I thought I would never be lonely again. Mothering is busy and with a wonderful network of friends and kids, I am not lonely ... but as my brother has told me, "I live a self-annihilating life". I have a husband who is a paying the bills, no sex life, no partner, and nowhere to go. I am feeling destroyed. I am finding lately that I wake up in the morning to a nightmare
and just want to sleep to make the whole thing go away. And lastly, I can't go outside and face my lovely neighbours because they all heard the embarrassing domestic next door. Help!!