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AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
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I have been married 23 years... My wife has never wanted to

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I have been married 23 years... My wife has never wanted to be intimate with me. It has taken me to the breaking point. Two years ago, I feel in love with a woman whose husband abandoned her and her five kids. We love each other, but I am in agony, since I cannot do to my kids what her husband did to his... Even if I left, she wouldn't take me, on principle... And yet, she is the only woman who has ever been intimate with me. She is overseas, and we only communicate online now... I go crazy just waiting to hear from her from one day to the next... While she is trying to be cold, in order to keep from falling again. I live in hell... In agony... In tension...  The longer I wait to hear from her, the more I start questioning if she still loves me.  We used to be more "intimate" on the phone /skype, but she has really pulled back to try to keep things under control.  Now I feel rejected by her AND my wife.   I have so much pent up sexual frustration.  Simple masturbation doesn't bring enough release...  There's no intimacy by myself.

Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 6 years ago.
AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer. Let's see if I can help...

AgapeDoc :

I am sorry to hear that you are in this terrible situation and moreover that is has gone on for the better part of a lifetime. You are to be commended on your commitment to you kids as well as your wife. There is no easy answer to your situation. I would only say that you are entitled to intimacy with your wife. Obviously, that has not been happening, so what to do?

AgapeDoc :

Well, the best I can recommend is for you to see therapist - or better yet a life coach to help you manage the situation you are in. You see in my experience, if you try and "fix" you situation, well....... that's a lot to take on.

AgapeDoc :

However, if you try and get some help or guidance to deal with the "hand" you have been dealt, you have a good chance for success and eventually happiness.

AgapeDoc :

A life coach can give you direction on how to deal with communicating with the woman overseas and how to deal with your wife and kids. Once you have that a little more under control, you can start to work on the emotional side of things.

AgapeDoc :

How am I doing?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I don't know what a "life coach" is, in comparison to other types of counsellors...

I plan to travel overseas to the same country (where my family has been planing to relocate). I hope to go for a couple weeks this fall, to scout out places to live. While I am there, I have been hoping to see the woman I love. However, she is currently saying that although she'll let me see her kids (whom I adore), she won't let me see her... Since she's afraid we'll both lose control.

This is driving me crazy, the notion of going all the way there, and not being able to see her, after all that has gone on!
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 6 years ago.
I know this is hard. What question can I answer for you.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
First of all, what is a life coach, as opposed to other types of counsellors?
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 6 years ago.
A life coach is a certified professional who is trained to help people adjust to life's tough situations. Often it's a career change, but it could be something like you're going through.
If you go this route make sure your life coach is certified. Often times life coaches are former therapists.
of course you could also see a therapist if you're more comfortable.
AgapeDoc and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you