Initially, when all this came about, I did
discover my husband had been corresponding w/ an ex girlfriend from highschool via facebook, text messages, phone calls; they even met up together 2 or 3 times; this all transpired over 3 months, and it has been 2 1/2 years since. I understand why and how it happened; we had drifted apart and were very busy w/ jobs and children, not really paying much attention to one another. we weren't talking much, and for that time period were not intimate... we both admit to being lazy and getting used to not having sex. All in all, I do understand that it was a time in his life in which he was lonely, and she filled a need for him. He firmly claims they were just friends and nothing happened and he had no romantic feelings for her. There has been no contact in a very long time as far as I know. I may have thought initially that she was the reason for "all this", but I know now that that is not the case. My husband will say that he doesn't know when or how, but somehow along the way his feelings changed. To answer your next question, I will tell you that I may be 10-15 lbs heavier than when we married, but I am still just as beautiful. I take very good care of myself- I work out, I always look nice- I always have my make up on; I take great pride in my appearance. My husband will say that this has nothing to do w/ how I look. He still thinks I'm drop dead gorgeous. It's just that those feelings are "not there anymore". And really, I am kind and have a really good reputation; I'm bright; I have a BSN and have been working as a RN for 12 years. Now, as for your last question, we have a very active sex life. I will remind you that for a time period we were not having sex, but we now have it several times a week, and that's been for over 2 years now. But my husband has boundaries; he never kisses me intimately, and honestly, it's great sex, but not making love, which I yearn for. I really just don't get it. He is all over me in the bedroom, but it's not the way it should be. He never tells me he loves me- ever; he says that's b/c he doesn't want to be fake; he wants to mean it when he says it. I know couples can re connect when something like this happens in a marriage; but my husband has this wall up and he just won't let me in. When we talk about separating, he often says that I deserve better- I deserve someone to love me the way I should be loved, that I deserve someone better than him, someone who can give me what he can't. I still love my husband very much; but when someone doesn't reciprocate that love, anger seeps in. I feel angry all the time, and I know that doesn't help at all to be that way. When we met and fell in love, it was magical. It was all that I thought it should be. But I'm committed; I'm fighting so hard to keep this marriage together; a lot of it is for the sake of the kids, but also b/c I don't believe divorce is the answer; I don't think we would all be better off as a family if Jason and I were divorced.