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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I asked before about having my 30 year old neice leave the

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I asked before about having my 30 year old neice leave the house I own. It's been about 7 days since I have given her notice for leaving in 30 days. If she does call my bluff, I am prepared to go forward with eviction procedures ( she lives in the other half of my duplex). Right now she has been out of state at her mother's house trying to get a job with no luck. Of course she hasn't contacted me about anything and I feel if I contact her she will just give the same story that she just doesn't know what she is going to do since she has no money. My problem now is I am having alot of anxiety about what will or will not happen after 30 days because I really do not want to be the bad guy and have to evict her, but I will if it comes down to it because I have had enough. How or what should I say to myself to get back out of this anxiety and feel that it is ok for how I am handling this situation?

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is very stressful to have to evict someone, let alone someone related to you. No one wants to have to take action in a situation like that. But it happens to a lot of people. So you are not alone.

Keep in mind that while you may feel bad about this, your niece is not doing her part in being responsible. Ultimately, this situation is on her. She did not hold up her end of the bargain, and as a result she put you in a bad position. The problem with people who act irresponsibly is that they like to make you feel bad about what they have done. It's how they handle it to make themselves feel better.

If your niece was being responsible, she would have contacted you by now. She would be letting you know about her situation and keeping you up to date about her plans. She would also be either moved out or have given you a date she would be out. She is not doing these things so you are left with the anxiety of not knowing.

Remind yourself that you are doing everything you can to handle the situation. You have given your niece adequate time to be ready to move out. You have a back up plan on what to do if your niece does not follow through. And keep in mind that if she does not follow through, it is not for lack of effort on your part. You tried. She needs to own up to the responsibility. Don't let her make you responsible because you are not.

I hope this has helped you,

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you. Every thing you said helps alot. So basically, this is her way of making me out to be the bad guy so she can feel better about her? And is this what people do to others to gain power over the situation hoping that I'll cave?

Yes, some people do it this way. They prefer to not have to deal with the guilt so they either avoid responsibility or they try to put it on the other person by acting like it is not their fault this is happening. They may also include others by twisting the truth so they look innocent.

And still others are irresponsible because either they were not taught to be or, to put it bluntly, they are just lazy. Either way, it leaves you holding the bag.


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks again. I get it. How do I see this tactic in people in the future so I don't fall for it again.?

It is very hard to predict, even for people trained to see it like I am. Most people who do these types of things are very good at making you see their good side when they choose to and hiding all the bad.

It does help to keep emotion out of any future transaction you have with anyone. The more emotional you are, the more they take advantage. You can also take a look at past behavior, if you know the person. Ask around if you are involved in an important transaction to see if anyone else knows the person and has had good or bad experiences with them.


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