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My husband has been sneaking & lying lately. I've been at…

Customer Question

My husband has been sneaking...

My husband has been sneaking & lying lately. I've been at home mom for 20 yrs, girls are on their own now. I threatend him with exposure & divorce if he didn't stop and work on or marriage. Says he doesn't want divorce, but 2 conselors say he's passive-agressive. We see kids a lot and have fun together, but should I stay or am I in for more of the same? I am job hunting now.

Submitted: 11 years ago.Category: Mental Health

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Answered in 3 minutes by:

6/8/2011

Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 11 years ago

Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist

Category: Mental Health

Satisfied Customers: 4,627

Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt

Verified

Hi,

your Q -"should I stay or am I in for more of the same?"

Would you please clarify-

Is at issue of infidelity? What does he want out of the marriage and his life? What do you really want (deep down inside?)

Customer reply replied 11 years ago

He's trying to find someone to cheat with, but so far unsucessful. Says he's just unhappy with marriage. He is not sucessful in his contracting business, and seems

to want less responsibility. If I would just get a job with full med benefits, and keep up the house, and mow the 3 acres....and he could get a motorcycle, THEN he says he's be happy. Our daughters don't know what's going on. The youngest, while talking about some one else's problems, said men who cheat on their wives ar PIGS! Which surprised husband & I both with her vehemence. Since then, he says he wants to work on marriage. But I wonder if he really means it. He's not looking for counseling, I'm writnig you questions.

Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 11 years ago

Thank you for clarifying.

If he is trying to find ways to cheat, he's already cheated in his heart and mind (betraying you and the marriage) In some cases, the intent is as bad as the final outcome. This has nothing to do with what you do or what you get (materialistically) He is going to be unsatisfied as he can always want more, once you achieve and give him what he says he wants now. This man will be happy when he appreciates what he has now (not some future fantasy or plan of his materializing) Try not to believe or feed into his excuse (or blames) He is responsible of his own happiness and that does not rely on what another person does. Period!

The way to find out if he mans what he says is to go and ask him to write down what working on the marriage would mean on his part, what he wants from you and the relationship, what he would do to get to that point. Besides marital counseling there is couples/marriage coaches, couple;s retreats, workbooks and working with your church minister (if you are affiliated w./ a church)

Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict Book

Couple's Communication Made Easy CD and Kindle format

Customer reply replied 11 years ago

How do I find good local counselor?

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