Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I have recently seperated from my husband who i am concerned

about, expecially in relation to...
I have recently seperated from my husband who i am concerned about, expecially in relation to my safety and our 3 children.
our marraige broke up mainly due to my husbands often seemingly unprovoked verbally abusive rages (that were so vicous and nasty you couldnt believe what was being said,) that over the years gradually go worse culminating in a physical assult.
He is considered to be one of the most caring, jolly and passionate people around, yet I seemed to be living with a jeckle/hyde scenario.
after the 1st physical attack, I found my voice and said that the rules were going to change... ie.. counselling/anger management etc...which he did not want to do. (we had about 3 couselling sessions that didnt go anywhere) He from that moment got increasingly worse in his behaviour. I understand that he was very fearful of the outcome (ie: would our marraige make it) but his behaviour continued to get more threatning, (threatening to hit), obsessing that I was having an affair, waking me up in the middle of the night to 'talk' or 'rage' texts and emails that sometimes went into the 50's or 70's in number. and the verbal abuse just horrendous. some of this was in the presence of your 4 year old, but he was smart enough not to expose the 2 older children ( though there were times when they asked questions such as "was daddy throwing things at you?" or "why are you shaking Mummy") Finally after living in paralised terror (I cant believe I did it) I said enough was enough.
Now he is making things increasingly diffucult. When it comes to his time with the children, he is thinking I am trying to withhold them from him when for example today my 9 year old asked if he could stay with his dad tonight. (my husband has 35% access) he wasnt due till a couple of nights time, but I believe in 'leaving the gates open' with the children, and so rang and asked if he would like the boy for the night (on top of the designated days). he has sent 48 abusive texts accussing me of power games and manipulation. (he was unable to have hime for the night and I understand that he was probably projecting his own anger and frustration for not being able to have him). but this is just a mild example of what is becoming an almost everyday occurance. A couple of weeks ago was very concerning as during his weekend with the children he locked himself in the bathroom and wouldnt come out - luckily he had the sense to call be to come and get the children. What am I to do? he is 47 with untreated ADD and has been in hospital twice this year (and few before then) with chest pains due to anxiety. Iwould appreciate some input. thank you RB
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 10 minutes by:
6/6/2011
Kristin
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience: Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
Verified

Hello and thank you for your question.

I can certainly understand your concerns regarding your safety and for your children of course, as well. What you need to do, is request a psychological evaluation be performed on your ex husband. This will need to be done legally, through an attorney or your local court system. His behavior is cause for concern and this evaluation should be able to determine his ability to parent, if he is in fact any kind of danger or risk to you or the children, etc. The children's safety and well-being definitely comes first and for example, locking himself in the bathroom and not coming out, in their presence, while he is the only adult there to care for them is negligent and also frightening for them.

So, again it is up to your ex husband (or husband) to seek out help for himself, but for now what you can do, is insist on a psychological evaluation be done that also takes into account parenting ability. You should consult with a family law attorney about how to proceed. The attorney may recommend that visits with the children stop until the evaluation is complete, but I cannot say that with any certainty. You would need to ask for expert legal advice. Also be sure to keep any evidence you have about the texts, etc. prior abuse.

It's important that you keep an open communication with your children and reassure them that you are taking care of the situation and that daddy's behavior is about daddy and noone else. Kids will so often internalize what is happening with their parents or in a divorce situation and feel they are the cause or somehow to blame. Be sure that they know in a light way, that any troubles are only between you and Daddy and that they don't need to worry about anything, except being kids. You may also want to consider family counseling for the kids as well. Please click ACCEPT button for this answer and feel free to continue the discussion even after clicking accept. Thank you.

Kristin
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience: Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
Verified
Kristin and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 6 years ago
Thank you. I have considered getting an assesment, but am conserned about provoking him further. I have had good advice on getting a restraining order, but he seems to get worse with any "tough love" so I have gone the path of least resistance and tried to be patient. He definately gets more irate and irrational with any suggestion that he may need help. I guess I dont wont to provoke him further and/or spoil his relationship with his children (he is very passionate about them - though does 'need' and lean on them) - also the kids would be devistated.??

I understand that you may be taking this approach out of fear or angering him further, but that doesn't address the problem... just kind of prolongs it. In any case, I would definitely at the very least consult with an attorney about what would be the best option.

It's not a good sign that he gets so irate and irrational... I'm not suggesting that the kids have no contact with him, but simply that he gets some help which could be mandated by the court, or that the visits are supervised perhaps for a time, until he is more stable.

I would probably not suggest to him directly anymore that he needs to get help as he only gets more agitated. Instead take your questions to an attorney who can give you clean and sound options. I understand that you are afraid of him etc. but that is exactly why you do need to seek out more help and support. It could be as easy as your husband getting on some good medications or being assessed by a psychiatrist to determine what is going on with him and how best to treat him... and that could be done by asking for a psychiatric assessment. Otherwise, you risk sort of letting him call the shots due to trying to keep him calm, and this could become a much bigger problem in the long run.

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 6 years ago

groan... I know your right.

thank you so much for being so honest, I will see my attorney this week.

RB

You are very welcome. I know it's such a difficult time right now, but I really think you will feel better when you have more information and support, and will help you to feel more in control of this situation. I wish you all the best....thank you,

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Ask Kristin Your Own Question
Kristin
Kristin
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
454 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!

Kristin is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

3,984 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
What would you recommend to someone with a bad anxiety
Hi, what would you recommend to someone with a bad anxiety disorder, 25 years old, 134 lbs, who keeps worrying about fainting if he doens't... eat yet another meal? Driving and walking has become hard… read more
Nancy
Nancy
Psychotherapist
MS, PhD can.
492 satisfied customers
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks at
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks at times. For the most part I have improved a great deal through BCT and other lifestyle changes. I had it terrible after I quit smoking for abou… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
OKMH1212211 I have an extreme medically diagnosed anxiety
OKMH1212211 Hello. I have an extreme medically diagnosed anxiety disorder. Recently, it's been getting worse. Everything makes me anxious and I have panic attacks regularly. I am allergic to all SSRIs… read more
Dr. Arun Phophalia
Dr. Arun Phophalia
Consultant Surgeon and Sports Medicine
Post-Doctoral Degree
32,360 satisfied customers
I would like to know if it is possible for anxiety to cause
Hello,I would like to know if it is possible for anxiety to cause bladderproblems like urinary retention and bladder overactivity. Like if you fear it and you are constantly conscious regarding it, it… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
3,984 satisfied customers
I have a history of health anxiety and panic. I went to hear
Hi. I have a history of health anxiety and panic. I went to hear a band Saturday and smoked about 5 cigarettes. I never smoke! I am very health conscious with diet, running, etc. I did smoke a few in … read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
3,984 satisfied customers
OKMH115211 My daughter struggles with anxiety depression
OKMH115211 My daughter struggles with anxiety depression OCD. She has tried numerous medications without any luck. She is at a new inpatient facility and her psychiatrist put her on zyprexa and Prozac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
Bipolar2,anxiety, avoidant pd.having swirling pinballing
bipolar2,anxiety, avoidant pd.having swirling pinballing dark thoughts. depressed, frustrated, feeling hopeless. I have taken many different meds in the past but what i am taking now doesn't work that… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
I struggle with severe anxiety and depression and self love
i struggle with severe anxiety and depression and self love and self esteem and self confidene issues. i need help … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I am wondering if I have anxiety. I can't stop thinking that
I am wondering if I have anxiety. I can't stop thinking that I have serious health issues due to some symptoms I am experiencing but have had tests done to rule everything out.… read more
Dr. Ravoof
Dr. Ravoof
Doctoral Degree
1,880 satisfied customers
I've had anxiety due to trauma... I've had anxiety due to
Hello, I've had anxiety due to trauma... Hello, I've had anxiety due to trauma in the city I lived in, I moved out to a different city, I accidentally spoke to somebody associated with the trauma , in… read more
Vakul Aren
Vakul Aren
Consultant Physician
Post graduation (Liverpool, U.K.)
3,904 satisfied customers
I am desperate for something to help with my anxiety. For
I am desperate for something to help with my anxiety. For instance, I'm sitting here inn a Dr's office ave a lady behind me id's chewing gum and I am so course to turning around and saying something b… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
717 satisfied customers
I've been experiencing a lot of depression and anxiety after
second opinion] Hello!I've been experiencing a lot of depression and anxiety after a health diagnosis. I am constantly paranoid that something else more serious may be wrong with me. Constantly readin… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I've been experiencing a lot of depression and anxiety after
Hello!I've been experiencing a lot of depression and anxiety after a health diagnosis. I am constantly paranoid that something else more serious may be wrong with me. Constantly reading forums and med… read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,618 satisfied customers
I experience a lot of Generalized chronic term anxiety and
I experience a lot of Generalized chronic long term anxiety and it pains my heart and chest and surrounding areas a lot and legs and arms numbness and tingling which drains me out daytime drowzyness all day and coffee and teas don't help anymore … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
717 satisfied customers
OKMH925100 Is it possible to treat panic disorder/anxiety
OKMH925100 Hi! Is it possible to treat panic disorder/anxiety disorder without medication?? I'm in my mid-thirties and just started having panic attacks after a very stressful past 4 years (I thought … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
717 satisfied customers
I I have extreme anxiety especially social anxiety I over
I I have extreme anxiety especially social anxiety I over worry about everything and I have PTSD from being stabbed and assaulted I've been prescribed Xanax for years and I got up to 2 mg which was wo… read more
Vakul Aren
Vakul Aren
Consultant Physician
Post graduation (Liverpool, U.K.)
3,904 satisfied customers
I have anxiety and I am in nursing school and I failed the
I have anxiety and I am in nursing school and I failed the last test … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
I was dx with add, ocd tendencies and anxiety 10 years ago.
I was dx with add, ocd tendencies and anxiety 10 years ago. I stopped the adderal.meds bc if the crash they caused. I hear there is a time release that works good but in a new state and need doc tnst … read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x