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I have a friend although she isn't a friend that I would

rely on just a girls...
I have a friend although she isn't a friend that I would rely on just a girls night every couple of months. You can not tell when she's lying or telling the truth, part truths or just lies, I have always sensed that she isn't what she appeared but the friendship was casual. I have given her money to help out and what is left in my wallet she steals. Most of the time I'm aware but have never confronted. The other day my wallet was missing and she tried to tell me it was some where and helped me look. Later that evening I checked my bank and saw my company card had been used at the local grocery store. There was $100.00 in my wallet but she used the business card. I called her in the early hours of the morning and explained straight up what would happen and how the person will be caught. I asked if it was her because it was a company card and I have no choice but to sort it out however if it was her I can take care of it discreetly without anyone but us knowing. She denied it categorically and wasn't upset I had asked. As i was about to leave to view the camera's at the store she told me she had called her biker cousins to help me find who stole my wallet on learning it was unnecessary I was on my way to view security cameras. Her biker cousins got in touch with me to tell me she had taken only the card and felt so much shame she had gone to the police; no not the police the child welfare services and was hysterical and was now facing losing her 2 gorgeous girls because she felt shame and felt like she needed to be punished. I replied the only people she is punishing are her beautiful children and me and turning something that could have been handled discreetly between us into a drama circus. How did she get my pin 2-days earlier I paid for a few groceries on a card because I had given her $100 that night and the other $50 I suppose she took. The grocery's were for her she didn't know I was paying but the company card pin is not written any where and she must have watched me and memorized the pin. The following evening I was involved in a car accident and was in shock apparently. She was very sweet and told me to lie down I was asleep in 30mins. Next day I can't find my wallet later that evening I checked my bank online I had a feeling. She has played the victim for so long people believe her. I didn't want her punished through the system I think she's not well. Well enough to premeditate stealing my wallet . I said I didn't hate her but this is her doing she didn't trust me to be truthful and I don't really know if she was at child welfare or just really is a terrible person who lies and manipulate and creates drama. I didn't buy into it I said the situation could have been avoided I gave her opportunity. My husband and kids wanted to press charges I were yelling at me for not going to view the tape and not pressing charges (it was emotionally draining and a horrible evening because of her my family thinking I was weak). I think it was right it would only feed her victim status and I wanted to call her and her friends. Give them my opinion that stealing money when I was one thing stealing my wallet meant you didn't care that I would have to replace my cards and pay for some and the inconvenience was huge further she didn't punish anyone except her kids and I was furious. She was in an abusive relationship for 11 years which I believe to be true but there is something wrong I just don't know what it's called. She's 31 and loves the young 16 year olds and divided a mother and a son and the son is living off her and she can't afford it .. there is so much is she a mental disorder or just some person who likes drama and is not a nice person especially to herself ... I now find her quite dangerous because she is erratic. Advice please
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Answered in 19 minutes by:
6/3/2011
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,896
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It does sound like this woman may have a personality disorder. Although I cannot be sure since I would need to see her face to face for an evaluation, your description is good enough to tell me that a personality disorder probably fits. She sounds manipulative and she deliberately used you then gave you a story about what a hardship it would be on her if you pressed charges. This tells you that she is thinking about herself and not what she did to you.

There are a few personality disorders she fits. One is Borderline personality disorder. People with Borderline have trouble with relationships, they frequently change jobs, they develop intense relationships with family, friends and co workers, and they often engage in risky behavior, such as stealing.

Another possible personality disorder is Histrionic. A person with Histrionic personality disorder often strives to be the center of attention. They also shift moods quickly and they act very dramatically, like they are in front of an audience. They are also self centered and do not think of others.

This person could be a combination of personality disorders as well, taking symptoms from a few or a lot of the disorders.

Most people with personality disorders are able to be cured through therapy, but it is difficult to do so since many of them lack insight into their behavior and see nothing wrong with it.

You handle the situation the best you could. Bringing charges would have been fine too because she would have had consequences to her behavior. But letting it go is fine as well. Alerting your friends and family to this woman's behavior and not having contact with her is probably a good idea though. She will most likely continue to manipulate and she may try to draw you back in or try to steal from you again, since she thinks she might not be charged.

Let me know if I can help in any other way,
Kate

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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
I think you pretty well nailed it and particularly the first disorder borderline personality disorder. I know she will either try to continue or drop it either way she is a person who lives around the corner and nobody I'm attached to. I was surprised about the wallet and card though-did she believe she wouldn't get caught or didn't think about the consequences until confronted. Also could she believe she is justified because my son 16 didn't respond to her little girl pre primary age and it hurt her very much. She has lovely girls who are quite well balanced considering the violence they have been exposed to. Apparently her brother said she was screaming for my son. As I'm typing this it sounds like how were the two bikers able to give me information as it occured.I almost feel like these guys I was supposed to be in contact with seemed fictional they aren't but in my conversation I think it wasn't them it didn't add up.. If I had of pressed charges mainly I just didn't want to but even though I don't really care too much I didn't want to be a player in her story's.

I understand. The more you mention what this woman did, the more it does sound like she is Borderline. She probably thought she would get away with what she did if she made up enough stories to be believable. People with these disorders will make up anything that seems slightly plausible then will see if you buy it. It usually is very exhausting to deal with them because it takes so much work to determine what is the truth and what is not. Often, people with personality disorders do not recognize that they are so obvious with their behavior. And sometimes they are right, people do not pick up on it. But you saw this woman for what she is and that will help you protect yourself from her or anyone else like her again.

Kate

TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,896
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
Im sorry I didn't know where to write I popped into the question box but I just want to let you know the reason I befriended her was to protect my 16 year old. She had one mothers son and still does living under her roof no idea why to hurt this woman. My son lived there slept home but it J this and J that I forgot the reason I befriended her until my 16 year old came in and said Mum she has lost a lot of friends e.g. young adolescent kids.
Everyone knows you and you have "credibility' I suggested yes!. I did it the way it was supposed to be done by accident / instinct my son hasn't been around her in a while but she still stopped into visit. That's why I let her steal and was generous but I forgot how it started once my son stopped going there ....... Pure accident if she had of listened to me and admitted it I would have nothing. I couldn't tell anyone. My son is safe and I still haven't said anything the kids will do it ....... I saved some kids from her but I forgot my motive once I had my son back ... Smiling If I was a manipulative person I think I would be dangerous. Just instinct loving my son and somehow I got the result I wanted even if I forgot about the motive once 16 year old lost interest.

It sounds like you have a very good heart and you were just trying to help. Unfortunately, that is what sometimes attracts those with problems like personality disorders. But now that you are on to her and have had this experience, you'll do just fine!

Kate

TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,896
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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