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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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My boyfriend was recently diagnosed with inoperable liver

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my boyfriend was recently diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer. I love him very much but he has a female friend that really likes to make it known that she is there for him, and makes sure I know that she is always gonna be there. I feel she over steps her boundries and doesnt respect me as being the one to stand by him right now. They have been friends longer then we have been together so she acts like i dont exist. thing is he really likes her and tends to put her on a pedestol even though she is married. do i hang in or just let her take over?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

If they are just friends and she can be civil to you then you can hang in there. But I have several situations where I would not: Having her disrespect me and him say nothing; having her be possessive and territorial over him; having her act like the girlfriend. I would expect him to set firm boundaries if he wants your company. I would not stay if I feel like he cannot put her in her place. You can't stay out of obligation. If he needs to have her fawn over him, then let her take care of him. It is up to you how much you want to tolerate, but I would not have a friend telling me about my boyfriend. I wouldn't put up with disrespect and him say nothing

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
do you think its ok for them to be going to lunch together and her calling him all the time?
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I wouldn't be comfortable but do what you feel is best. I would just get tired of a lot of phone calls. That's not what friends usually need to do. I would set my own limits and see if you can get control of the situation
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I feel like he has a death sentence and i shouldnt make waves. But I was married for 19 years and my husband left me for a girl at work so I have alot of issues with men and female friends
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I kind of do too. You can take care of him but unfortunately it probably comes with her. I would set limits of how much you are going to respect me and stick to them. You don't have to back down.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
How should I feel when has such high regard for her ? I feel like I could never be as grand as her!how do i keep from feeling so insecure? We have a great time together and he always tells me how much he loves me being in his life i just cant get past her!
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You can't really change that, but make sure he has a high regard for you too. You can be as grand as anyone you want to be. Talk to him about your feeling of disrespected by her; he may step in and it can work out. He's the place to start
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