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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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I do not know if this is the correct forum to ask this

Resolved Question:

I do not know if this is the correct forum to ask this question. But, I am married and have two of my sons living with me and sharing a room. My oldest has moved out and his room is empty. My wife is from a different country and I am moving her and my stepson to the US so we can finally be all living together.
In discussion with my wife, we cannot agree on how to integrate the boys. My sons are older and share a room. Her son is an only child and is not accustom to sharing a room. I told my wife that I think the oldest boy should move into his own room and the two younger boys should share a room? My wife disagrees and said my stepson should have his own room because he has been an only child and not use to sharing a room. I can understand that, but I told her she has to consider the two older boys and how they would look at it.
Any advice on the matter. Thanks in advance.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 6 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

I'd sit the boys down and explain to them that over the next 6 years, each of them will have the opportunity to have an opportunity to have a bedroom to themselves for two years. Starting out your stepson should have the room first; explain that this is the way you want to start this room rotation system, because this is what they are used to. Make it clear that in two years, the oldest boy gets the room for two years, if he wants it. Now, in two years, he may be o.k. with rooming with his brother, but maybe not. I think you want to keep these options open. The above scenario sounds 'fair' to kids (I know, because I've tried this approach before with success with other families). A variation of this would be to have the two youngest boys room together, assuring them that their older brother will move out before they do to go to school or work, when he gets older; then, they will both have their own room. But the two year rotation system does work. What do you think?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

The variation sound like a better plan because of the boys ages. My sons are 15 and 16, my stepson is 14. I sure wish they were much younger, it would be so much easier.

Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 6 years ago.
Good luck with this. Typically, HOW you approach kids with issues like this, getting their input and buy-in, and making it clear that you are intent on treating them all equally, usually works. Please let me know if I have overlooked any aspect of your original question. Please click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.
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